


The Best Year

by Tigerlily2k18



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Slytherins, M/M, Out of Character, Out of Character Hermione Granger, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Slash, prankster Hermione Granger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 02:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 37,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigerlily2k18/pseuds/Tigerlily2k18
Summary: Hermione undergoes a change in thinking and is determined to enjoy her last year to its fullest. Wacky Hijinks and crazyness ensue leading to a list of amusing new rules for her, friendships with Slytherins, and romance.





	1. A new Ambition

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all it's characters, I'm just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe.

Chapter One: A New Ambition

Rating: R

Warning: May eventually contain slash

Category: Humor/Romance

Hermione Granger had spent most of the summer thinking about how her 7th and final year at hogwarts would go. She really didn't have that much else to do over the summer as after her mothers cancer scare her parents had decided to renew their vows and spent most of the summer on their second honeymoon. They had sat down with her before they went and told her that they were very proud of her top marks and ambition to succeed but that she needed to have a little fun too. These were supposed to be the best years of her life and she was not to work too hard in her last year and forget to enjoy being young. "Lifes to short to waste it" her mother had said and that if she got into a little trouble this year they would not be dissappointed in her. With emphasis on the little.

So she had sat around during the summer and thought about what she might want to do and accomplish her last year at hogwarts. Her first thoughts when her parents had suggested enjoying this year a little more had been, ~I have too much work to do what with NEWTS this year to even think about having fun.~ And for once instead of just going on with her studying this thought bothered her. Here she was only 17 and too busy to have any fun. She thought of all the times Ron and Harry had bugged her about being all work and no play or how the rest of her house mates called her a book worm and depended on her to always have her work done if they needed help. Even her parents were telling her to get into a bit of trouble and have some fun. Maybe she did need to lighten up a bit.

Of course she would still study enough to get good marks but she would definitly take time out and have some fun this year. And being Hermione she wanted to do it right. She made lists and researched and thought on just what her idea of fun would be. Hogwarts was going to see a new side of Hermione Granger. And like with all else if she was going to have more play and less work she was going to do her best.

Now here she was at platform 9 ¾ ready to start her last year at hogwarts. With an un Hermione like wicked little grin on her face she hugged her parents goodbye and went to find Ron and Harry. Hogwarts wouldn't know what hit it.


	2. Hogy Hoggy Hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!

Chapter 2: Hogy Hoggy Hogwarts

Sitting in the Great Hall Hermione looked around at the Gryffindors and wondered what she had been missing by concentrating soley on her studies all these years. Sure she attended Quidditch games but that was more a duty to Ron and Harry than something she really enjoyed. Across the table Ron was going on about the Chudley Cannons with Dean and Harry was listening to something Seamus was saying and smiling. A genuine smile even. After defeating Voldemort in the middle of last year Harry had gone into a funk for a bit. She was glad he seemed to be feeling more like his normal happy self. Of course not having to stay with the Dursleys over the summer may have helped quite a bit.

She also noticed that the Slytherins had been rather quiet. Not even screaming very loudly when a new 1st year was announced for them or even hissing at all when a new Gryffindor was sorted. But then they had been rather quiet and different since the end of the war. Those who had returned back to school anyways. Even Malfoy seemed to have lost most of his arrogance. Oh he could still smirk but he hadn't once insulted them or called her the hated mudblood. It had been a shock when most of the Slytherin house had denounced Voldemort and fought against him in the war. All any of them would say of why was that there was no way they were going to bow down to anyone much less a raving madman who tortured his own side.

She was interupted in her musings by Dumbledores traditional end of feast speech for the prefects to lead the 1st years back to their common rooms and to have a good night.

"C'mon Mione lets head back to the common room." Ron said as they got up and followed the rest of their house out.

"So how was your summer Hermione?" asked Harry.

"Oh it was very enlighting. I spent most of it just laying around the house though. Mom and Dad on their 2nd honeymoon and all you know." I replied.

"I had a great summer staying with Remus. It was way better than the Dursleys. I even got my own room sans broken toys." Harry laughed.

"I wonder what class we're going to have first tomorrow. Knowing my luck probably double potions with the Slytherins. Oh why oh why did I take that class again?" Ron dropped his head in his hands.

"Because we want to be Aurors and we have to sit through the greasy git's torture to do that." Harry said as they walked through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room.

"Hey Mione are you taking anymore advanced classes this year" asked Ron as he plopped down on a chair by the fire.

"No Ron, I've decided to take it easy this year as there are NEWTS to pass and not add any extra work." I said as I also took a seat.

Harry and Ron both goggled at her as if she had grown an extra head.

"What? am I not allowed to relax a little too?"

"Well uh it's just that you always take extra classes and stuff." Harry replied.

"Well this year as it is our last I thought I would save some time for a little fun instead of all work."

"Oi she means rereading Hogwarts, A History" Ron laughed as Harry joined him.

"Enjoy your laugh boys, I'm going to bed and get some rest for our first day back. I'd suggest you do the same" I said as I headed up to the girls dormitory leaving them laughing on the floor.

*~*~*~*~*

The next morning at breakfast they got their timetables and as Ron predicted it was Double Potions with the Slytherins first thing. They made their way to the potions room wandering what Snape had in store for them this year. As they entered the potions classroom rather than sit down as she normally did with Harry and Ron she walked to the front of the room and took an empty seat next to Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. She could hear Ron causing a commotion in the back but Professor Snape walked in and class started. He set them to work brewing a basic healing potion. Walking around sneering at the Gryffindors. He had seemed as surprised as Parkinson and Bulstrode that she had chose to sit with them and not the rest of the Gryffindors.

He walked by and sneered at her "whats the matter ms. Granger the Gryffindors sick of the know it all?"

"Just wanted a change of scenery Sir and this way I can hear you better." I replied enjoying the look of surprise on his face. This was going to be a very very fun year, she thought to herself as she smiled.

They had gotten to the point where all that was left was to let their potions simmer for ten minutes when Pansy leaned over and hissed in her ear.

"Just why in the world are you sitting with us Slytherins?"

"Well" I drawled out in a good imitation of Malfoy. "As I told Professor Snape, I wanted a change of scenery. Besides it's not like we're throwing insults at each other anymore so I thought I'd take advantage of that and see if your really who I thought you were or if their was more to you than the nastyness I witnessed in the past."

Pansy looked very shocked obviously not expecting an answer much less the one she got. "It's not like the insults were only thrown on our side you know." Was all she said.

"I know that's why I said we're not throwing insults at each other. Not your not throwing insults at me." I said looking at both Pansy and Millicent.

They all went back to working on their potions but they kept giving her some very strange looks throughout the rest of class. When the class was over I gathered my stuff and turned to leave.

"Bye Pansy, Millicent" I said as I walked to meet up with Harry and Ron. Smiling, knowing that they probably had stunned looks on their faces as she had been perfectly sincere.

When she got out in the hallway Ron and Harry were waiting for her as she knew they would be. "Oh fun" she thought "here comes the questions and the blow up." But she was too excited at Pansy and Millicents shock and the fact they didn't just ignore her or insult her to be too bothered. Besides she knew they would eventually calm down.

"Mione what in the world were you thinking sitting with the Slytherins?" Ron exploded when she got within earshot.

"As I have explained to Snape, Pansy and Millicent already. I just wanted a bit of a change of scenery. I'm sick of sitting in the back and I was curious as to what they would do if I sat with them." She replied nonchalantly.

"But Mione their Slytherins, you know the ones that insulted us and you for years and gave us nothing but grief?" Ron went on as if he hadn't even heard her.

"Well Ron this is our last year and I for one am sick of fighting and such. Who knows what caused them to act towards us like that and we didn't help by returning fire. I want to get to know people other than Gryffindors. Expand my mind a little with other houses perspectives. Besides who knows they could be fun." I huffed not caring for his how dare you tone of voice.

"But Mione" he started to whine.

"Stop" I said roughly. "I will talk to whom I please and if I wish to talk to a Slytherin I will do so. This house rivalry is ridiculas. We're 17 now not 11 enough is enough. I'm not asking you to talk to anyone you don't want to or do anything you don't wish to but I want to get to know others if I can. Before I leave school and never see half of them again."

"That would be a blessing" Ron interuppted.

"Well I don't want to miss a friend because of past prejudices and house rivalry. Besides the Slytherins while not being friendly have left us alone and been very quiet since the war. Maybe they had reasons for the way they acted. I'd like to know." She said as they walked to transfigurations.

"Ron enough" Harry cut him off as he was starting to say something. "Mione's right they have left us alone and she can talk to who she wants. We just don't want to see you hurt so just be careful ok Mione?" He asked.

I nodded and gave him a blinding smile as this time I took a seat with them as Mcgonagal started class.


	3. But I did bring enough for everyone

Chapter Three: But I DID bring enough for everyone.

The first weeks of term went by rather well. Hermione didn't study quite as much and didn't spend all her time in the library. This had shocked her housemates at first but they seemed to be getting used to it, and having her around more. They had even started including her in games and talks in the common room that she had missed spending her time in the library before. She had continued to sit near the Slytherins in Potions and had even joined the few that were in her Arithmancy course. While she wouldn't say they were quite friends yet she did get along rather well with Pansy and Mils as she prefered to be called. She had even had a few decent conversations with Malfoy in Arithmancy.

She had found that right before sixth year that he had found out that alot of what his father had told him were lies and he had had to reavaluate his thinking with the help of his mother. His mother had even taken him and some of the other Slytherins to the muggle world to see what it was really like. Once he had made decisions and started thinking for himself he had shown the other Slytherins what he had learned and most had followed in his footsteps of finally thinking for themselves. He had told her that he had found out that Muggle born witches and wizards were nothing like he was led to believe. Though with as strong as she was and her top marks he should have seen that before. That was probably the closest she would get to an apology from a Malfoy and knew that even that much had cost him his pride, so she threw him a smile and had said that when your parents tell you something is true you believe it to be and left it at that.

Her classes were going well despite not sitting in the library 24-7 and she was rather glad to find that though she liked to study she didn't have to go all out and stopped worrying about how her NEWTS scores would fare with her lack of study power this year. She had even gotten into a little bit of trouble sneaking out with Ron and Harry to the kitchens one night. She had written her parents and despite their talk over the summer was relieved when she recieved a letter back saying they were glad she was having a bit more fun and acting like a teen instead of so adult this year. They had went on to tell her as long as it was nothing serious, ie life threatening, expulsion, dangerous etc, that they would not be concerned if she got any detentions. That's when she came up with her plan. Being the reader that she is she had read even the student written books and remembered the book written in by various students handed down year after year giving all the records and facts and stories of the students in Hogwarts over the many years. She had remembered frowning in concern when she had read that the Weasley twins had held the record for the biggest amount of pranks, the best and most original pranks second only to the Marauders and the most detentions in a single year.

Thats where her plan had come from. Being Hermione and wanting to do her best no matter what she was doing, making a place in the book for her for something besides most hours spent in the library (Though some Ravenclaws did beat her there) appealed to her. She knew she would never be able to beat either the Weasley twins or the Marauders in amount or best and original pranks but she was determined enough she decided she would beat their detention record. Not only would she beat it but she would have a new record for the most amusing ways to get detention. And if she irritated Professor Snape a bit in the process that was just a bonus. Though she did like and respect Snape she still thought he was overly snarky to the Gryffindors so didn't feel too badly about planning most of her ideas for him. Who knows she thought to herself maybe I can even get an entry for the first Gryffindor to get him to openly smile. She was a bit worried about house points but she also figured that most of the professors gave out house points when she did something well in class so she could make up for it enough. And if not well this was her last year and the house rivalry was really stupid so she didn't really care if they won or not.

*~*~*~*~

Today was the day. The day she put her plan in motion. If she was lucky not only would she be getting her first detention of the year but people would remember the reason and be talking about it for awhile. If only for the fact that the bookworm did something amusing. If in the back of her head a part of her was screaming about willingly trying to get detention she was determined to ignore it. She may have to scrub cauldrons but she was going to have fun getting there. Having the nature she did she reasoned that she knew most of her professors well enough to gauge reactions to certain things and had been planning accordingly. She inteaded to eventually get some of the Slytherins in on her plans as she would need help with some of them but for now she looked forward to people wondering just what the hell was going on with Mione.

Potions was going farely well. They had all gotten the ingredients into the potion and she was now chatting with Pansy and Mils. Knowing Professor Snape as well as she thought she did she put her plan into motion and took out a sugar quill and started chewing on it while chatting with the girls. Pans leaned over and whispered.

"If Snape see's you with that he's gonna throw a fit"

"I know" She replied with a grin.

Sure enough a few moments later Professor Snaped stalked over.

"Miss Granger is that a sugar quill you are chewing on in my class"

"Yes Sir" She replied trying to look a little wary

"Well Miss Granger unless you have brought one for everyone there will be no sugar quills in my classroom. 10 points from Gryffindor." He sneered and walked away.

Yes She thought. Anticipating just that reaction she dug in her bag and started passing out sugar quills to everyone in the classroom. The muffled giggles of his students alerted Snape that something was going on and when he saw that all of his students now had sugar quills to chew on he rounded on Hermione fiercly.

"Miss GRANGER there will be NO chewing on sugar quills in my class EVEN if you brought one for everyone. Detention tonight 8pm for your cheekyness" He fairly screamed. "Now put those away and get back to work before I give you all a zero for the day"

Everyone calmed down and went back to working on thier potions though the occasional giggle could still be heard. Pansy leaned over while Snape was on the other side of the room.

"Oh my god Granger that was brilliant. I can't believe YOU did that. That was almost Slytherin of you." she giggled.

"You'll be sorry for it though tonight in detention. But Pans is right that was bloody funny. Not to mention it made Snape blow a gasket. Way to go." Whispered Mils.

"Yes well I don't care about the detention it was worth it for the laugh." She told them.

"Besides" she said "I've got like one detention my whole time here and that was first year I have alot of years to make up for don't you think?"

"Oh my" Pansy smirked "is the goody goody Gryffindor going bad"

"Hm... Maybe I'm just being corrupted by my Slytherin friends" she said with a cheeky grin.

Pansy and Mils looked at her a bit as that was the first time any of them had referred to the other as a friend and then smiled.

"Well it's about time" was all Mils said as they finished off thier potion and took it to Snapes desk.

She waved goodbye to Pansy and Mils as she met Harry and Ron in the hallway.

"That was bloody brilliant Hermione" Ron laughed. "Did you see the look on the greasy gits face when he saw you did bring one for everyone. Oh that was priceless."

"It was funny Mione but now you have detention with him tonight. That was very unlike you are you ok?" Harry asked.

"Oh Harry thanks for worrying but I'm fine. Just decided to have a little fun this year as I said and I knew he'd say something about one for the whole class." she laughed "it's an almost universal teacher thing. Besides a few detentions won't kill me. I've gone 6 years without hardly getting into any trouble as you well know." she stated in her lecturing tone.

After all Hermione was still Hermione. She hadn't changed that much.

Ron looked at her funny. "I knew those Slytherins would be a bad influence on you"

"Now Ron maybe I'm just taking a leaf out of your book" she said grinning at them.

"Just don't get into TOO much trouble Mione we wouldn't want you to get expelled." Harry added trying not to laugh.

"Besides" she told the laughing duo "Now I have a new list."

"Oi Mione and what list is that?" Ron asked

"Things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts" she told them with a smile "Number one, Not allowed to chew a sugar quill in Potions, unless I brought enough for

everybody. And Number Two, Not allowed to chew a sugar quill In Potions even if I *did* bring

enough for everybody." She said as she doubled over laughing.

Harry was looking at her as if he had just discovered her. "How come I get the feeling thats going to be a long and amusing list by the end of the year Mione?" He laughed.

"Now shall we get to class boys? I may be trying to have a little more fun this year but that doesn't mean I intend to get less than good marks" with that she walked into Transfigurations the two boys trailing behind both wondering "What's up with Mione?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	4. Inflatable sheep do NOT need to be displayed

Chapter Four: Inflatable sheep do NOT need to be displayed

~*~*~

Hermione did have to scrub cauldrons for her detention as she had thought but she did get to annoy her professor by smiling as if she was enjoying herself the whole time. Snape made a few snarky comments but for the most part left her alone as all she did was give him a blinding smile when he addressed her. She did notice he spent most of the time staring at her as if he didn't know who she was. She was getting that alot lately. But for some reason she got a strange but good feeling in the pit of her stomach when his eyes were on her. She had always admired and respected him for the things he had done for the war effort, the way he put his life in jeopardy regularly and his loyalty to Dumbledore. She admired his intelligence and though he would be interesting to talk to if he would just be a little less snarky. Though in truth Hermione found his snarkyness amusing as if it wasn't directed at you, you could see that his comments were witty and amusing. Truth be told He just wouldn't be Snape if he got rid of that though he could be a little less mean. Why was she thinking so much about him anyway. The way she was acting you might think she was thinking about a crush or something.

"Oh no" she thought. That's when she lost her smile. Could she possibly have a crush on the snarky potions master? Well he was the most intelligent man she knew. And lord knows she prized intelligence. She would need someone who could have an intelligent conversation. Who wasn't put off by her brain. Someone who would be interested in her brain just as much as everything else. Snape would be someone like that, but still he was mean, or maybe he just didn't know how to stop acting? He also hated her, called her a bossy little know it all. But maybe that could be gotten around. WHAT? What was she doing. Was she actually considering ways to seduce Snape? Maybe she'd breathed in too many fumes from these cauldrens. Yes that was it. She'd go get some rest and everything would be back to normal by morning.

When she finished her detention, Malfoy was waiting outside the Potions room and he started walking with her.

"I overheard Snape saying the heads of houses were going to be doing a surprise bed check tonight. Just thought i'd let you know." He said.

"Really. This should be an interestin night then." She said with a grin. Then laughed harder at Draco's confused look.

"Why You have something planned?"

"Oh I don't know Draco. Maybe"

"What I warn you about impending trouble and your not even going to tell me Hermione" he stressed her name.

She looked at him and said "It's Mione to my friends and No but I'm sure you'll hear all about it eventually."

"Ok Mione" he said "be that way. And it's Dray to my friends. Although FRIENDS share thier excapades." He cajoled.

"Just chalk it up to me being new to this whole being bad thing."

Draco laughed "Well I'll see ya tomorrow Mione. Have a good night."

She waved and walked up to her dorm to get ready for the bed check later. Ok so it was a really childish and immature idea she had but it would be funny and thats all that counted. She stopped in the common room to warn Ron and Harry and a few others about the surprise bed check she had found out about and just smirked and said "I can't reveal my sources" when asked how she had found out.

*~*~*~*~*~

Later that night as McGonagal lit up the girls dorm for her surprise check she found herself quite shocked when she got to Hermiones bed. There sitting in the middle of her bed with her arms wrapped around it was a lifesize inflatable sheep with the words Loven Sheep written in pink on it. Professor McGonagal spluttered and bit out "Miss Granger, What in the world is that and WHY do you have it on display."

"Why Professor it's my loven sheep. I thought you might like to meet it." She replied with an innocent (fake) shy (fake) smile.

"Miss Granger that is COMPLETELY innapropriate Detention with me tomorrow after dinner. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a bed check." She practicly yelled though her face was bright red. Whether from embarrassmen or anger she didn't know.

After she left Hermione laughed until her sides ached and eventually her dorm mates realizing it was a joke joined her.

"Did you see how red her face got" Lavendar exclaimed.

"Hermione I can't believe you did that. I thought McGonagal was your favorite Professor? Not only that but you got yourself ANOTHER detention. That is so unlike you. What's with you Mione?" Pavrati asked.

"What I'm not allowed to act like a teenager and have a little fun now and then?"

"Well to be honest Mione until recently we didn't think you knew what fun was" Lavendar said with an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm learning girls. I think it's about time don't you?" She said as she said the spell to put out the lights not seeing both girls emphatically nodding thier heads.

*~*~*~*~

"Ron Weasley why didn't you tell us what Hermione had planned for the bed check last night. Pavrati and I almost had a heart attack until we realized it was a joke." She overheard Lavendar saying as she walked down to the common room.

"What ya talken about Lavendar? We didn't know Mione had anything planned" Ron replied.

"Yeah what'd she do Lav?" Harry asked. As Seamus sat down to hear what was going on.

"When McGonagal lit up the room for the check Hermione had this lifesize inflatable sheep with Loven Sheep written on it and she had her arms wrapped around it. McGonagal about had an apopoloxy and gave her detention for tonight." Lav gushed.

The three boys looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"That's something Fred and George would do" spit Ron between laughs.

"Well it was rather a shock. I mean we thought she was for real at first. Can you imagine waking up next to one of your dorm mates cuddling a lifesize loven sheep?"

"Oi Lav we do room with Seamus ya know." Harry laughed and dodged Seamus's fist.

"Oh you'll get it for that Harry." Seamus said though he was grinning too.

"It looks like my secrets already out then. Oh Lav how could you tell them about seymore?" Mione giggled

The boys laughed even harder at this. "Oh Mione do you really See More?" Seamus asked with a wink. They didn't stop laughing until they reached the great hall for breakfast and then they had to retell the story to the others that hadn't heard and the laughter started all over again. Especially when they noticed professor McGonagal turn pink whenever she looked their way.

It didn't take long for the story to get around to the other houses and by lunch time Draco, Pansy and Mils had walked up to her and asked if it was true. When she said it was they all burst out laughing. Draco patted her on the back and said "good one Mione. Did she really turn red and tell you that inflatable sheep do not need to be displayed during bed check?"

"Why yes she did Dray."

"Hmmmm I wonder when they need to be displayed then." He laughed.

"Guess Transfigurations is out huh Mione?" Pansy said with a smirk.

"Well you could always display it during care of magical creatures and say it was a learning tool." Mils said as they all collapsed into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Blaise Zambini asked as he walked up to the four of them.

"Blaise you know Mione." Dray said to him.

"Hi"

"Hi Blaise right?" Mione said

"Yep that's me." he replied "So what is so funny."

They laughed again as Dray told him the story.

"Maybe we should watch her and make sure she has nothen to drink after an hour. I mean arn't you the one who avoids getting into trouble and spends most of your time studying?" he asked her.

"Well it is my last year and Girls just want to have fun." She giggled thinking of the song.

"That's cool" he said "so did anyone invite you to the party we're haven on friday?" he asked

"No"

"Well consider yerself invited then." He said with a smile before he walked on to lunch.

"Oh yeah we were gonna ask you if you wanted to come. You could even bring your Gryffindor friends as long as they behave and don't start anything." Pans said as they too headed to lunch.

At lunch she told Harry, Ron, Seamus and Ginny about the party invite. Ginny immidiatly said she wanted to go and so did Seamus. Ron said there was no way he was going until Harry piped in that it might be fun. So Ron agreed to go but was leaving the first time one of those Slytherins showed their true colors. The talk went on with what to wear, mainly her, Ginny and Seamus, while Ron and Harry just rolled their eyes and said clothes are clothes.

Detention was uneventful except for the lecture she got from her head of house on appropriate behavior and told she was dissappointed as she had always been such a level headed girl. Though she felt a small pang at that she ignored it and pushed it out of her mind. If her parents were alright with her having a little fun and as long as her grades didn't come down she was not going to worry what anyone thought. She deserved this. After 6 years of working non stop it was time for a little partying. Though she wished she could get the thought of Severus Snape out of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	5. Interhouse Relations

Chapter Five: Interhouse Relations

~*~*~  


Hermione decided to behave herself for the rest of the week. She didn't want to get a detention for Friday night. She was looking forward to the Slytherin party. It was the first non school event that would include both Slytherins and Gryffindors. She just hoped that everyone could control their tempers. The night of the party arrived and everyone got ready to go. Of course Ron blew up when he saw Ginny in a leather mini skirt. But she used that Mrs. Weasley tone of voice and told him she was sixteen and could wear what she wished, if he didn't like it that was too bad. She also went on to tell him if he even thought of following her around and playing protective big brother she would hex him into a girl. And knowing how good Ginny was with hex's even he believed her.

Blaise Zambini opened the Slytherin common room door and ushered them all in. The music was going loudly, people were dancing in the middle of the room and there was what looked to be a bar set up in the corner. Blaise smiled at them and she noticed how his eyes lit up at the sight of Ginny. She filed this away for further thought and checked for Ginny's reaction. Who was looking at Blaise openly and appreciatively. This should definitely be an interesting night. She laughed to herself as she made her way over to Pansy and Mils.

Two hours later the party was in full swing with a silencing charm around the room so no one else would hear and so the younger ones could sleep. So far everything had gone well. Draco had challenged Ton to a game of chess and they were actually being rather civil. She knew if the Gryffindors and Slytherins were to get along it would take time but this was a good start. Everyone was walking on eggshells so to speak. After so many years of rivalry nobody knew how to act around each other. She had danced with several Slytherin boys and Harry a time or two. She also danced to the fast songs with Pansy, Mils, a 6th year Slytherin named Lucy, and a Ravenclaw by the name of Livvy. She was really having a lot of fun and was really glad she'd decided to lighten up this year.

"Hey" Pansy shouted after lowering the music volume "who wants to play truth or dare?" There was a chorus of "I do's" around the room. We pushed all the furniture back in the center and in a circle so everyone could get comfy.

"I'll go first since it was my idea" stated Pansy. "Does everyone know how to play?"

When everyone had nodded yes, you can't get through your teens without playing this game wizard/witch or not, she went ahead and called out.

"Finnigan, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare" He smirked.

"I dare you... tell Snape on Monday that you overheard Trelawny wants him." She grinned at him evily.

"No way!" Seamus cried "he'd kill me. Literaly."

"Well then you have to do the consequenses" Livvy leered.

"What are the consequences?"

"You lose an article of clothing of the darer's choice." Mils explained.

"So you either agree to do the dare or loose the shirt Finnigan" Pansy smirked.

Seamus gave a wicked grin and slowly tugged off his shirt, much to the girls amusment.

"Ron What will it be?"

"Truth"

"Who have you been sneaking out to meet for the last couple of weeks." Seamus asked.

Ron turned red while Harry and I just stared at him. We hadn't known he was sneaking out.

"Oh and if you don't tell Ronnie you'll be losing the pants." Se4amus told him.

Ron spluttered but looked towards a group of Slytherin sixth years. After which he calmed down and grinned and said "Lucy" nodding to her. They smiled at each other all googly eyed and just about everyone in the room rolled their eyes. No wonder he caved in on coming to the party and being civil so quickly. He was dating a Slytherin. They would have to have a talk about keeping secrets from your best friends and from the look on Harry's face he was thinking the same thing.

"Malfoy Truth or Dare?" Ron got back to the game.

"Dare of course Weasel, a Malfoy never turns down a dare." He smirked

Ron looked at him with a very uncharacteristic wicked smirk.

"Ok Malfoy, I dare you to tell us who you fancy."

Draco took in his very slytherinish dare and gulped. But after that speech about never turning down a dare his pride wouldn't let him back down now.

"Harry" He practicly whispered.

"What was that Dray, I didn't quite catch that" Blaise said.

"Harry I said" He shouted "are you happy now" he glared around the room in general blushing furiously.

Harry looked stunned though Mione couldn't blame him. Though looking back she realized she should have seen it. All those fights, the looks, the way Dray always paid extra attention whenever she was talking about Harry. Blushing bright pink Draco asked a Ravenclaw who picked truth what the most embarrassing thing to happen to her was. The game went on with more truths, dares, and clothes being lost and such until finally she heard.

"Hey Mione, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare" she grinned cheekily at Millicent.

"I dare you to call Snape a Wanker the next time he gives you a detention."

"Is that all?" she asked "no problem."

"Hey Harry" she pulled him out of his shock "truth or dare?"

Obviously feeling safe with Hermione asking he said "Truth."

"Would you like to go out with Draco knowing he fancies you?" she asked.

"HERMIONE!" both Harry and Draco shouted.

"Sorry Harry, that doesn't answer the question."

Harry spluttered for a bit before blushing and whispering "Yes." The game went on for a bit longer w/ Pansy, Mils and I rolling our eyes at Draco and Harry avoiding looking at each other except when the other wasn't looking, rolling our eyes at Ron and Lucy and checking out Blaise flirting with Ginny. Well except when Pansy was eyeing Seamus. All in all it was a pretty good party and it seemed to go a long way towards interhouse relations or should that be inter house relationships? Hermione dropped into bed and fell to sleep almost immidiatly around 3am wondering just how many detentions she was going to get for calling Snape a wanker, and why he was always the first thing on her mind when she woke up and the last thing on her mind when she went to sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	6. Pokemon Trainer is NOT a legitimate career

Chapter Six: Pokemon Trainer is NOT a legitimate career

Hermione ignored the snickers and pitying looks of those who had attended the party on Friday. They didn't know she was happy to get a chance for an extra detention. But then they didn't know of her plan to beat the twins record of fifty detentions in one year did they?

As soon as she sat down Draco leaned over and asked "did Harry say anything about me?"

"Now you don't think I'm going to betray one of my best friends confidences now do you?"

"Your becoming more Slytherin everyday so I can hope can't I?" He said with a pleading look on his face.

"If you want to know anything ask Harry" she told him as Snape swept in without even looking at them.

"Today we are going to make a memory potion call Memosa. This potion is able to break through small memory blocks that have been caused by obliviate. It is used mainly to fix small accidents. You will pair up and sit next to someone from another house for this assignment. The ingredients and instructions are on the board now get to work."

"Why?" Mione asked.

"Detention Miss Granger and 20 points from Gryffindor. When given a direct order the proper response is not Why." he smirked.

"Why not?"

"To work NOW!"

"Your such a Wanker" she muttered just loud enough for Snape to hear.

"That's it! A weeks worth of detention for calling a professor a wanker" he said and smiled evilly. "And you will receive a zero for todays assignment."

The rest of the class was carried out in silence. As they were leaving Snape called out "You can start your detention after dinner this evening Miss Granger. And you might want to wear something you don't mind getting dirty."

"What a greasy git" growled Ron as they walked down the hall. Draco and Harry were to busy sneaking looks at each other to even bother saying anything.

"Oh yes because Merlin knows I didn't deserve those detentions." Mione sneered in a perfect imitation of Snape.

"What are you defending that, what was it you called him Mione, Wanker?" Ron Spluttered.

"Ron any professor would have given me detention for that so it's not like he gave me unwarranted detentions. That's all I'm saying."

"Whatever Mione, he's still a greasy git."

Hermione was getting angry at Ron for picking on Snape though Merlin knows he'd done enough to them over the years to deserve it. She really needed to cure herself of this. It was crazy, how in the world could she like someone as snarky as him? Ok so he was intelligent, which she prized and could offer good conversation, but he had never done so. And so what if she found some of his snarkyness amusing when it wasn't directed at her, he was still mean. It's not like he'd ever see her as anything other than a Know It All. She really needed to get over this. It was pathetic really.

The rest of the day went pretty well and before she knew it, it was time for her detention. She said goodbye to her friends and headed down to the dungeons. When she got to the dungeons she was surprised that Professor Snape didn't sneer at her and set her to work doing something completely disgusting. He asked her to sit down and just looked at her for a moment.

"Miss Granger, I have noticed you have started acting different than your normal self. Have you drank anything unidentified or possibly been hit with some sort of hex?" He asked with uncharacteristic niceness.

She just gaped at him a moment before she said "No Sir."

"Well then may I ask just what is the reason for this change in attitude Miss Granger? Up until now while you have been an annoying know it all, you at least had somewhat of a respect for the rules. Your behavior of late is very unlike you and some of the staff are a bit worried."

"Sir, aside from calling you a wanker, I had not broken any rules. Well they weren't rules when I did them anyway. Nothing is wrong and I'm just enjoying this year a little more is all. My grades are not suffering so there is no need for any of the staff to worry."

"Very well Miss Granger. You may get to work labeling in the store room." He said dismissing me.

I got to work labeling the jars of ingredients going over and over the way he had acted in my mind. How was I ever supposed to get over this if he started being nice? Did I really see a look of concern in his eyes or was it just wishful thinking. NO, I am not supposed to be wishful thinking about Snape. Gotta stop this Mione. The headmaster just probably ordered him to be nice, it means nothing.

~*~*~*~*  
Hermione managed to behave herself quite well through most of the week. Of course as she had detention every night this week already it didn't really hurt her plan. Besides she did have to do her homework and study enough to keep her grades where they were.

On Thursday though she couldn't contain herself when the seventh years had a meeting with their head of house Professor McGonagal to discuss their career goals and how they felt their classes were going. As strong as her sense of how serious this subject was, she couldn't help but have a little fun with it. After all she knew what she wanted to do with her life and was on the right track with her classes.

She listened to the others talk about what they wanted to do and how thier courses were helping them with that. She was rather surprised to hear Seamus say he wanted to be a mediwizard. She hadn't expected something quite so serious from the fun loving pranking boy.

So when Dean was finished and McGonagal asked Hermione how her classes were going she shocked the room.

"Well Professor my courses are going great but unless Hagrid changes his lesson plan I'll never get any closer to being a Pokemon Trainer" she sighed.

Those who had grown up or had experience with the muggle world burst out laughing. Dean said "pika pika Mione." But McGonagal just looked confused until Dean explained to her.

"Pokemon is a muggle cartoon about weird looking little magic creatures that battle each other in competitions. Pokemon trainers capture the pokemon and train them to do thier best in battle."

"You know come to think of it you might make a good Misty, Mione" Harry laughed.

"Hermione Granger" McGonagal scolded "detention tonight for interupting this meeting with such nonsense. Pokemon trainer is NOT a legitimate career choice."

It was obvious she was trying to keep a straight face while the rest of the room collapsed in laughter.

"Since you cannot control yourselves this meeting is over. If any of you have any additional questions, problems, or concerns you may come and see me in my office." Turning she left the room and we heard what sounded suspiciously like muffled laughter coming from the hallway.

"A Pokemon Trainer Mione?" Harry asked between laughs. "Oh Merlin that was too funny. And I'm gonna be a carebear."

"Oh come on Harry" Mione snickered "we could get some of Hagrids creatures and train them to battle and call them Pokemon. I bet the wizarding world would love it."

"Oi Mione I could see it now. Blast ended skrewts battling Firhawks" Ron laughed.

"Oh no!" Mione cried "I have to tell McGonagal that I already have detention till next week." and with that she raced out of the room.

Please review. ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	7. Slytherins in Gryffindor.

Chapter Seven: Slytherins in Gryffindor.

Hermione had gotten her detention with McGonagal switched to the following Monday night and was just glad that she was amused enough not to make her serve it over the weekend. She had been at school little more than a month and already she had eight detentions. Only forty three more to go to beat the twins record.

When she got to detention in the dungeons that evening Snape set her to work on a simple healing potion for Madame Pomfrey. After a few moments of silence working on the potion she was startled when Professor Snape drawled out.

"I can't quite figure out why you are taking my courses this year Miss Granger. I don't believe you will find much use for potions in the illustrius field of Pokemon Training."

She spun around to see an almost friendly smirk on his face.

"Well" she said adding the powdered mirthryll "of course I'm just taking your class for fun."

"Really? well of course what could be more fun than my classes? Why I'm practicaly a stand up comic" he joked.

She burst out laughing picturing him on a stage doing stand up. Watch out Steven Wright.

"Minerva while amused was quite put out with you." he said. "Honestly Albus, I don't know what has gottin into to that girl this year. It must be the influence of those Slytherins she's been talking too" he imitated Professor McGonagal.

"Oh and I'll just bet you let that go by without a comment" she giggled.

"Of course not Miss Granger, I'm the evil Slytherin Potions Master I have a reputation to maintain."

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Who are you and what have you done with Professor Snape" she giggled.

"Believe it or not I do have a sense of humor Hermione" he said not seeming to notice he called her by her first name and not her last.

"So I am seeing Sir, so I am seeing." She smiled at him pleased he was showing her this side of him.

They looked at each other for a few moments that actually seemed to stretch forever, then they both broke away flustered and went back to their work. When their hands accidently brushed when they were reaching for some wormwook she could feel the blush on her face. They didn't speak anymore after that until she was done.

"Same time tommorrow. Good Night Miss Granger" he said in that silky voice that warmed her insides.

"Tommorrow then. Good Night Sir."

She didn't hear him whisper her name as she closed the classroom door.

~*~*  
Harry and Ron had been quite stunned when they heard about Snape cracking jokes in detention. She told them he had actually been treating her quite nicely all week.

"Do you think someone put a spell on him?" Ron asked.

"Maybe someone slipped a personality altering potion in his drink" Harry replied.

"Really" Mione huffed "he hasn't acted any different in class."

"True" both Harry and Ron groaned.

"Anyway I'll see you guys in the morning" she said.

"Where are you going" Harry asked looking at the time "after curfew?"

"Slumber party in the Slytherin dorms. Shall I tell Lucy you said hello Ron?" she giggled.

"Your going to sleep in the dungeons?" Harry asked.

"Yes Why? Jealouse Harry?" She teased. "Do you wanna sleep down there by Dray" she asked making him blush.

He looked at her a bit curiously. "Do you think they'd let me in?"

"You could always sneak in mate. It's not that hard." Ron said.

"And just how would you know how easy it is to sneak into the Slytherin dorms Ronald Weasley?" Hermione asked in a Classic Molly Weasley tone of voice. Ron blushed and stammered before saying.

"Oh let's just go down there the worst they could do is tell us to leave" he said getting up and heading for the portrait hole.

When Ron pulled it open he was surprised to see the Slytherins in question standing there. Pansy with her hand up about to knock.

"Can we come in?" She asked.

"We figured we hosted the last party so it was your turn to host this one and here we are" Mils said.

"Oh sure and it had nothing to do with Draco wanting to stare at Potter and drool did it?" Pansy Drawled.

"Pansy!" Draco shouted blushing.

"Come on in" Ron said grabbing Lucy and snuggling with her.

"So this is Gryffindor. Rather bright isn't it?" said Blaise looking around.

It was at that point that Seamus, Dean, LAvendar, Pavrati, Neville and Ginny climbed in through the portrait hole.

"Slytherins!" Lavendar said. "What are Slytherins doing in out common room and with sleeping bags and pajama's at that?"

"We're hosing a interhouse slumber party Lav. If you look you'll see a few Ravenclaws and Luna is a Hufflepuff" Mione said.

"A girls night? Cool" Lav said.

Lavendar and Pavrati looked a little shacken at the Slytherins but if nobody else was minding neither would they.

"I don't know why I was dragged along I'm not a girl so I can't participate in girls night." Blaise said.

"Neither is Draco" Seamus pointed out.

"Yeah but he always joins the girls nights" he replied rolling his eyes. "I think it's cuz he's so pretty."

"Wanna play some wizards chess Zambini?" asked Ron breaking away from Lucy. Blaise nodded and headed over with Ron to set up.

The girls grabbed Draco and Hermione led them up the stairs to the seventh year dorms. As long as he was surrounded by the girls the stairs would stay normal. They set up sleeping bags and such and lounged around talking about the boys and reading girly magazines. Draco admitted his crush on Harry to Lavendar and Pavrati and they discussed ways to grab his attention.

Hermione talked about Snapes strange behavior this week.

"That's just Severus" Draco said. "That's the way he acts around those of us he likes."

"Really?" Hermione asked.

"Of course Mione. I'm his godson after all. So I would know." Draco sneered.

"Professor Snape is being nice to a Gryff?" Pavrati asked. "Is the world coming to an end?"

They chatted and did makeovers (Dray and Hermione just watched and offered advice) until around midnight. They then decided to go to sleep. There were classes in the morning after all. Not a one of them wondered what Blaise had done. Poor Blaise.

Ginny smiled wickedly as Blaise put a silencing charm around the bed and turned to her.

Please review. ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	8. Snape may be a bastard but he didn't kill Kenny.

Chapter Eight: Snape may be a bastard but he didn't kill Kenny.

Snape stormed into the Potions room the next morning looking as if he would kill the first person who breathed. He turned his I'm an evil bastard glare shockingly on the Slytherins.

"Those of you that spent last evening Merlin only knows where instead of in your dorms where you belonged will be having detention with me this evening straight after dinner. Do not think for a second that I don't know who was gone. If I have to come and get you, you will be sorry." He said in that quiet deadly voice that most everyone knew meant don't mess with him.

"Your assignment is on the board. Get to work and I suggest you do it right" he growled.

Everyone got to work. Quietly working on their potions. After awhile we could tell Snape was calming down a bit. Seeing that his students were all alive and in one piece might have helped a bit surley. After a while he started to walk around checking on the potions as normal and the class as a whole breathed a sigh of relief.

Towards the end of the class as potions were being finished by those slower students, Draco made the mistake of chatting to Blaise.

"Mr. Malfoy I suggest you keep your mouth closed until the end of the period unless I tell you to open it." He shouted slamming his hand down on the table crushing a bug that was crawling along minding it's own business.

"Oh My God! You killed Kenny! You Bastard!" Mione yelled obviously suicidal

"Another nights detention for next Tuesday Miss Granger. I may be a bastard but... I did not kill kenny."

Those who had never seen a tv much less heard of Southpark were looking at Mione with confused expressions. Surprisingly Draco was one of the few trying to muffle their laughter. Snape was glaring around at those laughing. Then shocking the whole class, even Mione who was starting to realize he had a sense of humor, He glared and in a high voice said "You WILL Respect My Authoritay!"

The whole class was silent for a moment before those who understood burst out laughing. Snape gave the class a smirk as if to say See I can be funny and said "now bottle your potions, put them on my desk and clean up. Class is dismissed."

Out in the hallway. "Can you believe Snape made a joke?"

"And a muggle joke at that."

"I don't get it, wasn't he yelling at us?"

"What was so funny about us respecting his authority?"

"Who's Kenny?"

"It's from a muggle cartoon called Southpark."

Everyone was talking about it. Those that understood trying to explain to those that didn't.

"Snape made a joke. The world is ending." Ron said.

"He's obviously off his rocker." Harry replied.

"How in the world did he ever see southpark?" Ron asked.

"Who knows."

"Well Mione still got detention so even with the joke it's still Snape the git." Harry nodded.

Everyone was still talking about the Snape Incident as it was now being called in DADA. Those who witnessed it relating it to those who hadn't. Unlike most gossip that went around the school this actually stuck to the facts. Probably because it was extraordinary as it was and needed no embellishing.

"May I ask what is so amusing that you are all still discussing it after class has started?" Asked professor Lupin who was back as DADA teacher by popular demand.

After having it explained Lupin laughed a moment.

"Well as refreshing as it is to hear that Professor Sname made a joke I do believe it's time to get on with this class."

The class went well as almost everyone liked Professor Lupin and his teaching style. As they were putting away their books towards the end of class everyone stopped what they were doing when Mione put up her hand. Nobody wanted to miss anything she had to say now.

"Yes Hermione?"

"When are we going to talk about Were-Virgins Professor?" She asked smiling innocently.

He looked at her rather oddly. "There is no such thing Hermione."

"Yes there is"

"No there isn't Hermione seriously."

"Yes there is Professor when do we get to study them?" She demanded.

This went on for a few moments until the bell rang. Nobody moved to leave though.

"Miss Granger There is NO SUCH THING AS A WERE-VIRGIN so quit asking" Lupin yelled out in frustration.

"Well why didn't you just say so Professor?" Hermione shot him an evil grin as she grabbed her books and walked out the door. Leaving even Lupin laughing with the rest of the class.

Detention that night was rather more crowded than usual as Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Mils and Lucy all filed in to join Mione.

"I see you all have managed to make it" Snape sneered at the Slytherins. "It's good to know you can make it to where you are supposed to be sometime."

They all looked down and wisely said nothing.

"If you were thinking I would go easy on you because you are in my house, Think Again! And if the Joke" Here he stared at Mione " I participated in earlier made any of you think I am going soft and you would have a fun ole time from now on let me disabuse you of that silly notion. You may get to work cleaning this room from top to bottom with no magic. Miss Granger if you would come with me please." He said sweeping away towards his office. Once in there he nodded to a stack of essays.

"If you would mark those for me Miss Granger."

"Yes Sir" she said sitting down and picking up the first essay.

Silence reigned as they both marked papers. She was completely oblivious to the fact he was watching her hungrily. ~She's very pretty and rather amusing.~ He thought to himself. ~She's almost beautiful with that spark in her eye when she is up to something. Not to mention she is intelligent enough to actually have a conversation with.~  
~What am I doing thinking about her so much. She's a student?~ He had come to look forward to that sparkle in her eyes and what she would come up with. Not that he wouldn't hand out detentions for her stunts, of course but he had found himself not only looking forward to her stunts, which had never happened before not even when he found some of the Weasley Twins pranks amusing, but also looking forward to having her in detention.

~He definitly should not be feeling this way. Not only was she his student but she would never see him as anything other than her git of a potions Professor.~ He went back to marking the 7th year essays feeling even lonlier than usual.

Mione snuck glances at him now and then wondering if after his speech earlier she dared even speak. Gathering up her courage she looked at him and said "I almost died when you quoted Cartman. May I ask where in the world you ever saw Southpark?"

"I told you I had a sense of humor" he said. "And yes you may ask though you already have. I have some experience with the muggle world. I do know what a tv is."

"Of course Sir. I just can't picture you watching one." She giggled marking the last essay.

"Thank you for helping me mark these Miss Granger. Your detention is done you may go if you like." He said not looking at her.

She leaned back in her chair and asked "Did you read the latest issue of Ars Armenia?"

"Why of course" he said looking up at her.

"What did you think of the research into counter potions for the unforgivables?" she asked.

The spent the next two hours discussing the article and their own idea's on the subject until Draco knocked and said they were done.

"Your dismissed then" he said. "You had better head up also as it's almost curfew.

"Yes Sir" she said gathering her things.

"I rather enjoyed our conversation Miss Granger."

"So did I Sir. I'm sure I'll have many detentions after which we can talk." She said with a grin.

He went and got a book from the shelf and handed it to her.

"You might enjoy this" he said. "We could discuss it and I could use a fresh opinion."

"Thank you sir. I'll return it on our next detention. And call me Hermione please." She said. "Goodnight Professor."

"Goodnight Hermione" he whispered as she glided out.

Please review. ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	9. Vodka, green food coloring and a Cool Mint Listerine bottle not a good idea.

Chapter Nine: Vodka, green food coloring and a Cool Mint Listerine bottle not a good idea.

**Detentions so far 9. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 10**

Looking back adding hard liquor to the menu of a Saturday night party with the Slytherins was probably not the best idea in the world. Especially with Colin around to photograph it for memories sake. There were a few of those memories people would have liked to forgotten not shared.

Draco could have definitely done without the visual memory of hugging the beer crate and growling at anyone who came near, though he was rather happy with the picture of his first snog with Harry. It was actually rather cute the way both boys looked so amazed, blown away and excited at the same time, and yet only half their faces were showing.

Colin unbeknownst to most of us is very very brave. Of course he's a Gryffindor, so that is expected, but being younger and not that big you would think he'd cave after being hexed a few times by Blaise. Nope not our dear Colin he just made lots and lots of copies of those pics of Blaise wearing a dress and a pink hair bow. Hard liquor was definitely not a good idea at least in his mind.

The Saturday night party didn't really break up til late Sunday night. And even then some took some of the alcohol with them. Monday was not looking to be a good day for two out of the four houses in Hogwarts, as nearly everyone from Slytherin and Gryffindor above the age of sixteen attended along with a few Hufflepuffs and half a dozen Ravenclaws. When Monday morning came you could almost hear a collective groan.

Hermione, being smart, had had the foresight to brew up a lot of the hangover potion and was found early Monday morning in the Slytherin Common room selling it for a knut a piece. Word got around and pretty soon the Slytherin Common room was almost as full of people as the party had been.

"Now wait your turn everyone. I made enough for everyone." Hermione said over the clamor.

"Mione you know I don't have an extra knut. I need what I have for Hogsmeade." Ron pleaded with her just to give him some for free. "C'mon Mione I'm your best friend."

"This is business Ron." she smirked. "You have to choose. Chocolate frogs next Hogsmeade trip or one less hangover today."

"This is so unfair. Using your knowledge for gain like this." Ron complained handing over a knut and taking his potion.

She had sold her potion to most of those at the party when Snape, getting wind of all the traffic in and out of the Slytherin dorms so early in the morning, stalked in. Seeing Hermione in the middle of his house common room did nothing to put him in a good mood.

"Miss Granger just what is going on here and why are you in the Slytherin dorms?" He growled.

"Um just working on that whole interhouse cooperation thing Dumbledore is so keen on." She replied trying to hide the potions and money.

"That's funny because to me it looks as if you are selling," he swept over to her potion and looked at it and smelled it "Hangover potions." He sneered.

"Um well I guess you could call it that too," she stammered.

"20 points from Gryffindor. You may not run a business from the Slytherin common room." He looked around noticing the fallen faces of those who did not get the potion yet and the fact that there was at least a few people from each of the other houses. His lips twitched as if he was trying to hold back a smile and he said in a softer tone of voice. "Not even if it is a very Slytherin thing to do. I'll be taking that potion and I suggest you get to the Great Hall if you wish to eat before classes." With that he grabbed up the potions, smirked at those groaning and swept out of the room. "Oh and another detention Wednesday night Miss Granger. I'm beginning to think free nights are a thing of the past for you," he said over his shoulder as the door closed.

Hermione had planned on taking the hangover potion herself once she had sold it all. As it turns out probably not one of her best plans but she always seemed to wake up feeling sorta ok but her hangover intesified with time. So she had thought to wait until she was done making some money. Thankfully Professor Snape did not take the money she had made selling the potion. She went back to her dorm and grabbed her cool mint listerine bottle and the Vodka hidden in her dresser. She emptied the listerine out offering a little sorry to her parents as she did so. Being dentists they'd be more upset she wasted her dental stuff than anything. She poured the Vodka in the bottle, capped it and put it in her bag and went down to the kitchens. She asked Dobby for some green food coloring and added it. Hair of the dog so to speak would work just as well for now till she could brew another potion. She thought grinning as she headed to breakfast.  
(A/N I know it seems really oc for Hermione to drink but it's kind of a coming of age thing that just about every teenager goes through at some time. Most learn it's not all that as will Mione.)

Potions that morning was rather different. Snape was still Snape keeping everyone in line but he didn't go out of his way to be cruel to anyone. Oh, he was still as snarky as ever even to the Slytherins, but to everyone's surprise he wasn't unnecessarily cruel. It was a rather refreshing change. Mione would sneak drinks out of her listerine bottle every now and then and when Snape saw her she made a big show of gargeling before swallowing and then offering a toothy smile to show her clean teeth. He just shook his head and preceded to make his rounds. Potions went well and for once it seemed as if everyone got their potion right. Professor Snape even gave 10 points each to Slytherin and Gryffindor for everyone brewing an adequate potion, effectively shocking the class.

By the time Arithmancy rolled around for Hermione she had drank quite a bit out of her bottle and was feeling very good.

"Mione, what's with you. If I didn't know better I'd say you were still drunk from the party," Draco commented.

"Green food coloring works wonders Dray," she said showing him her almost empty Cool Mint Listerine bottle.

"Mione. I'm shocked. Drinking during school. You're gonna get into so much trouble."

"Oh Come on. It's my last class of the day. It's not as if I have anything to worry about. Besides who cares if I get another detention,." she said.

It was at this point that Professor Vector decided to ask Hermione what the answer to number 12 on the board was.

"I'm Drunk," Mione blurted and then covered her mouth turning red.

"Miss Granger," Professor Vector said coming over to her "I'm drunk is not the answer and I do believe that you are," she said shocked. "Mr. Malfoy take Miss Granger to the hospital wing please."

"Yes Ma'am." He said getting up and walking Hermione out. "I told ya so Mione."

"Oh shut up. If you hadn't been bugging me I would have never said that." She glared at him.

When they got to the hospital wing Madame Pomfrey put her in a bed and asked Draco to stay while she went to inform Professor McGonagall. When they arrived Professor McGonagall lectured Hermione on the dangers of drinking until Mione sat up and retched all over the floor. Madame Pompfrey brought Mione a bucket as McGonagall cleaned up the mess with a flick of her wand. Madame Pompfrey brought over a sober up potion to which Mione said, "Hey thanks Dr. Feelgood."

Professor McGonagall took the potion before Hermione had a chance to drink it and said, "I think Miss Granger will learn a better lesson about the affects of her alcohol consumption if she doesn't get any potions Poppy and yes that means no hangover potion. Miss Granger you will spend the night here in the hospital wing. Your detention for this evening will be rescheduled for tomorrow evening and as you have one on Tuesday and Wednesday that will be pushed back you will serve detention for this on Friday. Also your privileges for the next Hogsmeade weekend are revoked. Also you will address our mediwitch as Madame Pompfrey not Dr. Feelgood do you understand?"

"Yes Professor," Mione said right before she passed out.

Now push the Review button. Yes the one right down there. And you will have my undying gratitude. ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	10. Animal Attraction

Chapter Ten: Animal Attraction

Detentions so far 11. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 13

Mione woke up the next morning feeling like something had died in her mouth. Her head was pounding and she felt like she was death warmed over. She got up to go to the lavatory and immediately regretted it as her stomach lurched. She made it to the bathroom in time to dry heave as there was nothing in her stomach. She washed her mouth out and splashed some cold water on her face and then went to ask Madame Pompfrey for a toothbrush. Madame Pompfrey got her one all the while talking very loudly.

"It's good your awake as I was about to wake you up to get ready for classes," she said.

"Classes?" Hermione asked, shocked. "I can't do anything like this."

"I'm afraid your going to have to as you are not excused from classes and Professor McGonagall said to make it quite clear to you that you would get detention for any class missed and that means if you miss two that's two detentions and you would lose even more Hogsmeade visits. So I suggest you get ready go have some toast and go to your classes."

Mione groaned and said "Yes Madame Pompfrey."

Mione stopped by the kitchens to try some toast to settle her stomach as she didn't think she could handle the noise in the great hall. Then she headed to her first class of the day which, being Tuesday, was Advanced Charmes. Hopefully they wouldn't be doing anything to stressful. By lunchtime Mione was cursing alcohol as the devil's tool and wishing she'd never ever touched the stuff.

"I'm never drinking anything harder than butterbeer ever again," she moaned as she sat down to lunch next to Ron.

"I take it McGonagall didn't let you have a hangover potion," Ron returned through a mouthful of food, the sight of which turned her stomach.

"No and I have detention, have to attend my classes and lose my next Hogsmeade visit. Drinking is definitely evil. No more for me," she whispered over the drums in her head.

"Well telling Professor Vector you were drunk was probably not your best idea Mione." Harry laughed.

Mione gave him a glare, gathered her things and stalked off to her next class. As she had detention for the rest of the week and wasn't feeling all that great she pretty much kept quiet. Her detentions went by with nothing much to comment on. She did have a nice conversation with Professor Snape over the book he had given her and he even smiled at her again, making her heart do little flips. She was beginning to wonder if she would ever get it out of her system. Most of her friends, though sympathetic of her punishments, had a good laugh at the vision of Mione telling a professor she was drunk, therefore she stayed in a pretty bad mood that week.

When the weekend arrived she found herself mostly alone as everyone was heading to Hogsmeade. Even Ron and Harry promising her they would bring her back something didn't cheer her. She was never ever drinking hard liquor again. She didn't mind detentions but she didn't want to feel that badly again or lose her Hogsmeade privileges.

By the time the Monday rolled around she was feeling better. Ron and Harry had brought her back loads of stuff for her and so did Draco, Pansy and Mils to try and make up for laughing at her. They had all spent Sunday evening in the Gryffindor common room chatting until curfew. Of course with all her detentions out of the way and feeling better on Monday put Hermione in a fun frame of mind. She finished her breakfast and her and Harry, and Ron walked to Potions together.

Being that she had been in a bad mood over the weekend she was sure she was going to get in trouble for her Potions essay. She hadn't exactly stuck to the topic and had inserted some topics that were not very appropriate. She thought of not handing it in but she would probably get into trouble for that too so she just sucked it up and handed it in when he asked for their essays. Professor Snape set them to work on a simple potion while he looked over their essays. She could see him looking at her in disbelief as he was reading hers and she wondered just how much trouble she was going to get into.

"Miss Granger," Professor Snape drawled. "This essay is not quite up to your usual standards. Not to mention you made it two pages longer than asked for, frequently went off topic and added several inappropriate things to it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to grade you down for that even though all the information I requested is in it," he said in that silky soft voice.

"Yes Sir, I understand sir," Mione said.

"I do believe you will be spending tonight in yet another detention with me for the inappropriateness of the subject in this essay," he said. "Furthermore, the following words and phrases may not be used in an essay- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this school and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, Tantric yoga, slut puppy, or any references to squid."

Mione blushed bright red and looked around at her friends trying to assure them that she did not indeed hate them. "Yes sir," she said as the bell rang and she grabbed her stuff and bolted out the door.

"Mione, hey Mione wait up," Ron yelled.

"Sorry guys," Mione said.

"That's alright," Draco drawled walking up with Pansy and Mils.

"I can't believe you actually wrote that stuff in your essay Mione," laughed Harry. "I wouldn't have had the guts. Especially a Potions essay."

"Yeah well at least you didn't get a zero for it. That's a good thing. Though shocking coming from Snape," Ron commented.

"Maybe he likes you Mione," Pansy teased.

Hermione blushed as Ron, Harry and Draco all "ewwed."

"That's scary Pansy, very scary. Although a month ago I'd have said he wasn't human, now he's been acting too nice not to make that scary," said Ron.

"He's always acted nice with me," said Draco. "Of course I am his godson so of course he's not going to be mean to me."

"And you're a Slytherin, he always treats the Slytherins better," Harry huffed.

"Well what do you expect he's our Head of House."

"Still McGonagall doesn't favor us as much as he does you."

~At least they've shut up about Snape liking me,~ Hermione thought to herself as she listened to them arguing over who favored who's house more. They then split up as her, Harry and Ron headed to Transfiguration and Draco, Pansy and Mils went on to Charms.

"Today we will be starting our lessons on Animagi. For those of you that wish to become an Animagus we will be working on that as well. For those of you that do not have the desire or will to become an Animagus this will mainly be theory lessons for you," Professor McGonagall said after they had all taken their seats. "I know most of you have the desire for this and must warn you there will be NO working outside of class on this. There are many dangers when untrained. First we will be going over the information in your books so get them out. I will give you this class to go over the lessons in the book. When we meet again on Wednesday I expect 4 feet on what you have read."

The class excited to finally be able to study and work on becoming Animagi immediatelygot out their books and got to work. The class passed quietly as everyone read and not a few were dissappointed when the bell rang ending the class. There was quite a bit of excited chatter about it in the hallways for the rest of the day. Hermione was still excited about it when her detention rolled around that evening. Professor Snape told her to brew a few healing potions for Madame Pomfrey that he was working on and she set to work, careful to curb her excitement and concentrate on the task at hand. When she was done and had bottled the potions and cleaned up she asked if there was anything else he wanted her to do.

"No that's it. You can go if you like, or you can go sit in my office I should be done in a few minutes," he said without looking up.

She took her back and went and got comfortable in his office and opened a book on Animagi she had gotten from the library. She was so engrossed in the book she didn't even notice when he entered and sat down.

"Why Miss Granger I thought you had given up on being such a bookworm," he teased, getting her attention.

"Well just because I'm having a little fun this year doesn't mean I'm not going to study or read anything," she said with a laugh. "Besides as we're starting on Animagi in Transfigurations and I wanted a little more information.

"Ahh so that's what's with all the excitement today," he commented.

"Yes that's it. Most of us have been waiting for this since we learned about Animagi," she said. "Professor I was wondering," she said hesitantly, "Do you have an Animagus form?"

"Well even though Transfigurations was not my best subject I managed a form," he said with a slight smile.

"Well would you tell me what it is?"

"If your expecting me to say a snake, I'm afraid your going to be very disappointed Hermione," he laughed. "How bout I just show you?"

"Yes please Professor," she said excitedly.

He got up and moved to where there was some space and gave her a wicked grin before changing. Standing in front of her was an exquisite black panther.

"Oh my," she breathed. "You are just beautiful." She blushed after realizing what she had said. She walked over to him and ran her hand over his head and back before sitting back down.

He changed back and grinned at her. "Wasn't expecting that were you?"

"No not really," she replied "but it's cool." She thought of the feel of his fur under her hands and wondered if his skin would feel as soft. She blushed, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"I was rather surprised when I found out my inner animal myself. But it works."

They spent another hour discussing the advantages of being an Animagus and other topics. He had even told her a few stories about his school days and she had told him what it was like to live in the Muggle world and a bit about her family. She felt she was actually getting to know the man behind the Professor's role. It was rather nice. But soon it was almost curfew and time for her to head back to the common room.

"I'll walk you up as I don't think you would make it before curfew and you don't want a detention from Filch I'm sure," he said getting up and walking to the door. He motioned for her to precede him.

"Thank you Professor, no I don't."

"I believe Hermione as we are getting to know each other a bit, you may call me Severus when not in class if you like," he said, sounding very nervous and not looking at her.

"Thank you S-Severus. I'd like that too as it seems as if we are becoming friends," she smiled at him.

He looked rather shocked at that, but covered it with a small smile as he escorted her to her dorm. ~Friends~ he thought ~she really wants to be my friend? She as much as said we are. Me friends with a student? Who would have ever thought of it. Even if she is more intelligent than her years. She would make someone a great wife. Hopefully not one of those dunderheads she called friends, she would be wasted on them. Oh Merlin what was he thinking about her that way for?~

"Well here we are. I'll see you tomorrow Professor," she said.

"Goodnight Hermione."

She gave the password and went in waving goodbye again but he had already turned to leave. She said goodnight to everyone in the common room yet and headed up to her room to finish her homework and get some sleep. In her dreams she was a lioness and running side by side with a beautiful black panther, carefree and wild.

~*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	11. Professor Mom

Chapter Eleven: Professor Mom?

Detentions so far 12. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 14

Severus woke up abruptly, soaked in sweat, and wondering just when he had been stupid enough to fall in love with one of his students. Not just any student either, but Minerva's pride and joy.

Yes the Know It All, best friend to the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy-Him and Weasley, damn Gryffindor, and as of recently a friend. He should have known better, but it had been so long since he had had someone with equal intelligence and interests to talk to. Minerva was intelligent of course, but they had different interests.

How in the world was he going to deal with this? Normally he would just push her away, be mean, cold and snarky, but they'd become friends and he couldn't hurt her like that. Why oh why did he have to notice her as a woman? He kept thinking this over in his mind during the week never once thinking that there was even a chance that she'd ever see him in any way other than as a friend and a respected professor.

"After all of you turn in your essays we will be performing the spell that shows you your inner animal," Professor McGonagall stated as soon as everyone had taken their seats.

There was actually a rush to get their assignments in and for once Mione wasn't the first one to have hers in. After everyone had handed in their assignments and were back in their seats, Professor McGonagall told them how to do the spell to see their inner animal. As they would be doing it one at a time she would be calling them up to the front to do the spell.

It was actually rather interesting to watch, as most were not what Mione expected them to be. Harry, whom everyone thought would be a lion or a griffon or some other strong valiant creature, was actually a black adder, much to the amusement of the Slytherins.

Ron, though it shouldn't have surprised anyone other than he was too often overlooked as being a hero, was a Griffon. Draco shocked everyone by not being either a Dragon as he predicted he'd be or a ferret as Ron teased he'd be, but was a sleek snow fox. Pansy took the form of a unicorn, while Mils shocked everyone by being the dragon Draco had wished to be.

When Mione was finally called up she was rather nervous, hoping that she wasn't some bug or something equally as repulsive. She was glad and excited when a tawny lioness stood before her. Her smile grew as she thought back on her dream and wondered if a certain black panther would go running over the grounds with her once she was able to transform.

Mione couldn't wait to talk to Professor Snape but unfortunatly she was all out of detentions and she didn't feel comfortable enough yet to just stroll down to the dungeons and start up a conversation. Hmmm, time to rack up some more detentions. She couldn't ignore her plan either. Ron and Harry were arguing over something to do with Quidditch as they headed into the charms classroom and she was brought out of her musings as they asked her to settle their dispute.

"Sorry guys I was thinking about something else and didn't catch what your arguing about," she said apologetically.

"Oh sure just ignore your friends Mione," Harry said with a smile as they sat down.

"As you're all going to be out of school after this year and there are those of you who will be branching out on your own, today we will be learning some common household charms that you might or might not know yet. Turn to the chapters on charms for the everyday witch and wizard in your texts please," Professor Flitwick said from his perch of books. "As most of you already know the basic charms for making tea, heating water and other things you use already we are going to start on some of the ones that you will probably use in everyday life once you have your own home."

"Can anyone tell me some charms that you may want to be using that you don't have to be using on a regular basis now?"

Almost everyone in the class raised their hands and Flitwick went around getting a few answers from everyone.

"A dishwashing charm," said Parvati.

"A laundry charm," said Lavander.

"Cooking charms, my gram uses those all the time," Neville said.

"A gardening charm, including a garden gnome degnoming charm," Ron laughed.

"I'm never going to need these, the house elves do all that stuff," Draco said with a sneer.

"That may be true Mr. Malfoy but at least you will be able to take pride in the fact that even though you don't have to use them you know them," Professor Flitwick told him. "Some of you may have been taught some of these already by your mothers, for those of you this will just be review and you can look over the chapters and see if there is anything you'd especially like to learn."

"This is great," Mione gushed. "Mom's gonna teach us how to keep house."

Professor Flitwick turned a soft pink and fell off his books at Hermione talking out in class like that.

"Miss. Granger you are not to refer to any Professor as mom. While it's true the household is usually under the authority of a woman it is still important for the boys to learn these things so they are able to do them themselves," he huffed, obviously offended. "Five points from Gryffindor for not taking this class seriously and detention this evening. You will be informed later who you will serve with."

"Yes sir, sorry Professor," Mione said repentantly, unless you noted the gleam in her eye, that is.

They read through the chapters on everyday charms and Professor Flitwick assigned them an essay on them and what they would like to learn and why they felt it was needed. After the class was over and they were heading to lunch the boys forgetting all about the Quidditch argument were buzzing about her outburst in Charms.

"I can't believe you made Professor Flitwick fall off his books. That was bloody hilarious," Ron laughed.

"That was pretty good Mione. I can't believe you called him Mom," Harry said. "Not to mention if one of us had done that you'd be scolding us about how he could have been hurt."

"Well I didn't know he was gonna take a dive off his stand now did I?" Mione pointed out.

"True, poor Professor Flitwick, his best student using sarcasm probably shocked him something fierce," Harry said. "I mean coming from Ron or I he probably wouldn't have batted an eye, but not from you."

"I know but when he made the comment about the mothers teaching the household charms I just got a little upset. The wizarding world is sexist."

"Now Mione, you know witches work if they want to, not all of them stay home and take care of the house," Ron said.

"Really Ron? Name one witch that's married that works?" Mione glared at him.

"I'm only seventeen Mione I don't know all that many witches out of school and besides who's to say that they don't wish to stay home?" Ron asked.

"That is just the kind of thinking that keeps women in the home and not at a job," Mione said as she stalked into the Great Hall.

The boys, knowing Mione and being smart, tactfully changed the subject and told her how cool her Animagus form was. They got to talking about Animagi and Transfigurations and lunch passed in peace.

*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	12. They're magically delicious.

Chapter Twelve: They're magically delicious.

**Detentions so far 13. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 15**

At dinner that evening Hermione received a note stating that she would be serving detention with Professor Snape at seven p.m. and not to be late. Surprisingly Professor Trelawny also showed up to eat dinner with the staff, which got the students talking about what could have drawn her down from her tower. She hadn't been predicting Harry's death since he defeated Voldemort, now she predicted his love life. Personally, he wished she'd go back to predicting his death. Unfortunately she was leaving the Great Hall just as Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione were walking back to Gryffindor tower.

"I fear I must warn you of your impending loss, Miss Granger, and give my condolences, no one likes to lose a loved one," Trelawny said.

Hermione's mother, which had been common knowledge among the staff when she was diagnosed, had had a cancer scare at the end of last year. She thought that Trelawny using that information to try and credit her Seeing skills abominable and saw red.

"How dare you use the knowledge of the possible illness in my family to try and credit your Seer skills. To hint at it after I expressed to my Head of House that I didn't want to tell any of the students but Harry, Ron and Ginny shows just how untrustworthy you are. On top of that your nothing but a lying fraud!" she practically screamed.

"Miss Granger that will be enough," came the silky tones of the Potions Master from behind her.

"But she," Hermione tried.

"Enough," he said. "Professor Trelawny, why don't you go rest and I will assign Miss Granger to scrubbing the dungeon tomorrow evening for disrespecting a professor."

"Well, hmpf, I guess that will do, though I will be informing Professor Dumbledore of her outburst," she huffed and walked away.

"Now Miss Granger," Snape said turning to her "I do believe the Headmaster will indeed listen to your side of the tale and stand by my detention. No matter what the provocation you may not call any Professors untrustworthy, liar, or fraud, even if your right."

With that said he walked on towards the dungeons.

"What a git," Ron scowled. "She deserved it."

"Oh I can't believe the nerve of that woman. I'm just so mad I could scream, arghhh."

"She's a flake, don't pay her any mind Mione," Harry said comfortingly. "She is just wrapped up in her own importance."

"What's scary Mione is that Professor Snape agreed with you," Ron shuddered. "He said even if you are right you can't call a professor that."

"Well I'd better get to my detention. Professor Snape will not be happy if I'm late," Hermione told them as she headed towards the dungeons.

"Good evening Miss Granger, You may spend this detention marking third year essays and when you are done you may start on the fourth years," Snape said as she walked in.

"Yes sir."

Hermione got to work on the essays, stopping every once in a while to verify something with Professor Snape, who it appeared was marking the older year essays as well. She couldn't help but sneak glances at him from time to time not knowing that he was doing the same. When she was finished with the last fourth year essay she scooted the essay's across the desk and let him know they were done.

"Well then, Miss Granger, I believe you have finished with your detention. Is it too much to hope that you have learned the error of your ways?" he asked with a smirk.

"Why of course Professor," she said in her best "I'm an innocent" voice.

"Then tell me just what is it you've learned?" he asked.

"That I may not call any Professor Mom," she said with a mischievous smile, "and it's not good to shock Professor Flitwick as it's a long fall for him."

Severus laughed at the thought of March falling off of his stack of books, and the look on Mione's face as she said that. She had an angelic look on her face which was belied by the devilish grin she was shooting his way.

"Poor March didn't have a clue about that rebellious streak of yours at all. That was not well done of you Hermione, You should at least have given him a bit of warning about your newfound mmmmm... sense of humor," he laughed.

"Well how was I to know he'd fall?"

"True, I wonder if your Mr. Creevey got a picture. Now that would be priceless and such fun at the next staff meeting," he said.

"Professor, I'm shocked at you. What kind of example are you setting for me?" she said with a wicked grin.

"I'm off duty," he replied with a completely straight face, sending them both into gales of laughter.

"You should laugh more often sir. It looks good on you," Mione told him.

"As on you Hermione. And as I believe we're becoming friends," he paused looking at her cautiously until she nodded her head, "you may call me Severus during our conversations here."

"Thank you, Severus," she said trying out his name on her tongue.

"I'm sorry about the situation with Professor Trelawny earlier but you will still have to serve a detention for what you said to her, Hermione, even if I agree with you and she was out of line."

"I understand. I don't like it but I understand. Although I think we should just trade her to the remaining Death Eaters and be done with her. I mean, don't they have anything we want we could trade her for? I'm sure Draco could manage it somehow," she said angrily.

"Miss Granger, you may not trade Professor Trelawny to the Death Eaters. Do you understand me?" he said sternly.

"Yes sir."

"I understand that what she did was not right and upset you but she is still unfortunately a Professor and must be shown respect, even if it's not deserved," he said with a grimace.

"Very well, but that doesn't mean I will forget about this."

"Of course not. Now what should I expect in my class tomorrow? I do hope you are not planning any disruptions," he said in a mock stern voice.

"Oh Professor of course not. How could you ever think I would plan anything for your class," she said faking outraged innocence.

"Uh huh. Guess that means I better be prepared for anything. Just so you know, I will not be taking this lying down any longer. Anything you do will get you retaliation, Hermione," he said with a very evil grin.

"Oh my Severus," Hermione drawled, "that seems to me to be a declaration of war."

"Call it what you will Hermione, just be warned."

"Duly warned Severus and it's Mione to my friends," she said as she gathered her things. "It's almost curfew I better head up now."

"Yes it is getting late. Goodnight Mione," he said testing her nickname out with a smile.

"Goodnight Severus," she said and with a wave and a smile she was gone, leaving him to wonder just how much more he could take without going insane from wanting her.

"What am I even dreaming about her for, she would be disgusted if she knew where my thoughts lay," he said quietly to the empty room.

The next morning the Great Hall was abuzz with laughter as on the wall just before the entrance someone had placed a rather large war criminal poster with Professor Trelawny's picture on it. Of course the Professors not entering through the main entrance had yet to see it, it was sure to be removed once it was. Hermione claimed no knowledge of it though Ron and Harry had their suspicions.

After a bit things settled down to the usual din of breakfast. Hermione was happily eating a bowl of cereal. She had brought some of her Muggle cereal with her and given it to the house elves as she didn't fancy eating the large breakfasts they cooked every morning. After her talk with Severus last night she was left in a very good mood and so when Seamus Finnegan leaned over and asked her what she was having for breakfast today she decided to have a little fun. She grabbed her bowl of cereal to her chest as if he was trying to take it from her and got up and started yelling.

"He's after me frosted lucky charms, somebody do something!"

While most of the Hall looked at her as if she had gone insane, those from Muggle families started rolling around on the floor in laughter. Professor McGonagall looked up from the head table and in a stern voice asked Hermione, "Why would Mr. Finnegan be after your breakfast Miss Granger?"

"Because they're magically delicious," she exclaimed with a grin.

"Miss Granger take your seat and finish your meal. Mr. Finnegan is not, after yer lucky charms," the Professor of Muggle Studies said as she laughed.

Hermione sat back down and continued to keep her arm around her bowl and shoot Seamus nervous glances as she finished her breakfast. Seamus, having a Muggle father, was rather amused with her and couldn't stop laughing. He kept shoving his spoon at her threateningly all through breakfast.

In Potions Hermione behaved perfectly, just shooting an angelic smile at Severus whenever he looked her way. It wouldn't do to get to predictable. Besides, this way he would go crazy trying to figure out if she had pulled something or was trying to lull him into a false sense of complacency. She knew he expected some stunt from her today but he would be rather surprised at just what it was, as it had nothing to do with class. She went to her classes for the day, enjoyed dinner and the company of the common room later that night. They were sitting around chatting about the day and laughing over the War Criminal poster, which Professor Vector noticed around lunchtime. The whole school received a lecture and the person who did it was told to come forward, but nobody did. Suddenly Ron noticed the time.

"Hey Mione, didn't you have detention that started twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes, but I'm not going."

"Your blowing off detention? A detention with Snape? You are so bloody dead," he said shocked.

"Completely unexpected of me, isn't it?" she said with a grin.

"Your going to get in so much trouble," Harry said.

"Ah well it will be worth it to see the look on Professor Snape's face when I tell him why I didn't show up."

"Really and just what are you going to tell him?" Harry asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see won't you?"

They argued a bit more about how Snape was going to kill her and then everyone started heading to bed. As Hermione was getting ready for bed she realized that in her anger at Trelawny she had forgotten to tell Severus about her Animagus form. Maybe she should surprise him, she thought. She laid down and fell asleep with the picture of him smiling at her in her mind.

*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	13. Religious Discrimination

Chapter Thirteen: Religious Discrimination?

Detentions so far 14. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 19

The next morning after breakfast Professor Snape stalked up to her, Harry and Ron as they were walking towards the dungeons for Potions.

"Miss Granger, I do believe we had a detention scheduled for yesterday evening of which you never showed up for," he said silkily.

"Um yes Professor."

"May I ask as to why you didn't show up? Were you in the hospital wing, Did you fall asleep, or did you get into studying and forget?" he said offering her some convenient excuses.

"No sir. You see, I was so upset about getting a detention after what that b... er, I mean Professor said to me, so I had a long talk with God. I didn't feel the detention was warrented and asked for a sign if I was right and should not attend it. I got my sign so I did not attend."

Professor Snape looked as if he was going to explode.

"Miss Granger," he yelled "God may not contradict any professor's orders. You WILL serve that detention this evening and one tomorrow. Oh yes, Miss Granger, a Saturday detention, for neglecting to attend your first one. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir. But I must protest. Isn't that religious discrimination, sir?" she said obviously oblivious to Professor Snape's anger.

"Miss Granger," he said in that quiet, deadly voice. "I would suggest you stop talking NOW!"

Hermione nodded her head and looked at the floor and in a moment he said he would see her this evening and she had better not be late and stalked away.

"Mione, I'm beginning to think you have a death wish," Harry said.

"Yeah Min, as funny as it was he's really mad. I'm glad now you sit with Pansy and Millicent in Potions," Ron said with a shudder.

"Well thanks for that show of support guys," she laughed. "Don't worry he'll get over it."

"If you say so. But I still don't expect Potions to be pleasant today. Not that it's ever pleasant but you know what I mean."

As Ron predicted, Potions was far from pleasant. Professor Snape was on a warpath and no one was immune. Unfortunately it was Friday which was double Potions, so they had several hours he could torture them in. Points were being deducted for breathing and the littlest thing had him biting everyones heads off. They finished the potion they had started and he had assigned an essay to be turned in before the end of the class. Hermione turned hers in first, as usual and went back to sit in her seat, keeping an on Professor Snape as he picked it up to go over it. When he did he looked up and looked at her and she flashed him her brightest smile. He looked back down at her essay and then up at her again, still smiling, and burst out laughing, shocking the class to its toes.

"Miss Granger," he said, laughter still in his voice. "Get over it, is not an appropriate title for any essay. Please retitle this if you wish a grade on it."

Hermione walked up to his desk and scratched out the title and retitled it to the correct title. He gave her a smile and whispered, "I still expect to see you in detention this evening."

"Yes sir. I'll be there," she said smiling back.

After she had sat back down he told the class that as soon as they handed in their assignments they were free to go as long as they stayed out of trouble before their next class.

"I don't know how you do it Mione," Ron said to her after they left class.

"Do what Ron?"

"You make him madder than anything, then turn in an essay that would get the rest of us killed and he laughs."

"Believe it or not Ron he does have a sense of humor."

"Yeah well if one of us were to do that, we'd be dead," Harry agreed.

"Well then boys, I suggest you don't do anything like that," Mione said with a smile.

The day went by rather quickly with an interesting Transfigurations class and Care of Magical Creatures class. She was still in a good mood when she got to her detention, even though she didn't feel as if she should have a detention, much less cleaning cauldrens for what she said to that old fraud.

"I'm so glad you decided to grace me with your presence tonight Miss Granger," Severus drawled.

"Well I didn't really have a choice, did I?"

"No not really. You may get to the cauldrons, and I do believe you might use magic tonight," he said before going back to his office.

When Mione finished with all the cauldrons she stolled into Severus's office and sat down waiting for him to finish marking papers. He didn't even bother to look up and acknowledge her presence until he had finished as usual. When he was finally done he piled them up neatly, rubbed his head, and went to his cabinet and took out a potion to drink.

"Rough day today Severus?"

"I swear they get more incompetent every year. I had three cauldrons melt in classes today, not to mention one dunderhead added a wrong ingredient and had to be sent to the hospital wing after testing his potion." he said sighing.

"Well if you want to go rest rather than talking tonight it's alright."

"No, that's ok," he said. "I've actually been looking forward to some intelligent conversation."

"Come on now, Severus wasn't there a staff meeting tonight? Don't tell me the other professors don't offer intelligent conversation," she said with a laugh.

"Ok make that intelligent and interesting conversation," he said with a small smile, causing Mione to laugh.

"I know what you mean. I love my friends but Quidditch just isn't the be-all-end-all of my existense."

"Miss Granger," he gasped in mock shock. "I believe that may be sacreligious."

"Oh no, not you too."

"Well I was on my house Quidditch team in my day," he said.

"Really? Now that I'd like to see," she said giggling.

"I'll have to dig out one of my old yearbooks then. There's several pictures of the teams and of games."

"Cool."

"How was your day today, Mione?"

"Not too bad. Though I must say Potions was awful. We had this evil Professor in there today. Man, what a drag," she said with a wicked glint in her eye, glancing at him under her lashes to try and gauge his reaction.

"Hmmm, and here I was just thinking about evil students who disobey said Professors," he said with a smirk.

"Ok you win. I bow to the master of Snark!"

"So how has Transfigurations been going? I know you were excited about studying Animagi. Have you found what animal you will be yet?"

"Why yes I have."

"Well what is it?"

"I'm not going to tell you Severus. I'm going to wait until I can show you," Mione said with a grin.

"Fine be that way then."

They continued to talk until curfew and then he escorted her back up to her dormitory and left her with a "Goodnight Mione."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	14. Advice on How to win a Gryffindor

Chapter Fourteen: Advice on How to win a Gryffindor.

Detentions so far 15. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 20

Hermione had probably just had the most enjoyable Saturday detention ever served in Hogwarts, and with the most dreaded Professor no less. They spent the day working on various potions for Madame Pompfrey, talking and debating. If anyone had witnessed this detention they would have been sure the world was coming to an end.

They discussed the potions they were working on, debated over potion theory, and even discussed personal stuff. Severus surprised himself when he found he was telling her about his childhood and years at Hogwarts. Hermione told him what it was like growing up as a Muggle and then finding out that magic is real.

In this one day he realized that he had found a true friend, something he had never had before. He also realized that, despite his better judgment, the fact she was young enough to be his daughter, and her being a Gryffindor, he had fallen head over heels in love with her. He also reached the conclusion that this scared him more than Voldemort ever had. For the first time in his life he had no idea what he was going to do. He was going to have to ignore his pride for once and ask for advice.

Albus and Minerva were surprised when Severus popped his head through the fire and asked if they had some time to speak to him. They were even more surprised when Minerva offered to retire so they could talk, and Severus said he wished to speak with them both. Of course that was not to be the biggest shock, at least not for Minerva.

"Well Severus, what is it we can do for you?" Albus asked, his eyes twinkling merrily.

"As much as it galls me to admit it, I need some advice."

"Am I hearing you right? Your asking for advice, and from me also?" Minerva asked.

"Yes Minerva, I am in need of your advice," Severus replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"Alright Severus," Minerva said, shocked. "However I can help."

"Where to start," Severus mumbled.

"Why at the beginning of course, my dear boy, that's usually the best place to start," Albus twinkled.

"The beginning then. I was born on a dark and stormy night to...," Severus started with a smile.

"Severus, I don't think Albus meant the beginning of your life, but the beginning of your problem," Minerva huffed, surprised to see Severus displaying humor.

"Alright, alright," Severus laughed. "Well this year, I've made a friend, a true friend. Someone who in a short time has become my best friend. Which as wonderful and amazing as this is, it is part of the problem. I care about my friend and there is no way I could willingly hurt her," Severus paused to take a breath.

"That sounds like a good thing to me," Minerva stated. "Where is the problem?"

"The problem Minerva, is that, not only is she my best friend but I had to stupidly go and fall in love with her."

Minerva gasped while Albus twinkled at the idea of him being in love.

"Why that's wonderful my boy, I've been telling you for years you needed to find love," Alvus smiled.

Minerva being smart and intuitive as she is just asked quietly, "So what is the problem? Is she already involved?"

Severus knew then that he had come to the right person and he took a chair next to Minerva.

"No, she's not involved. There are actually a few different reasons falling for her was not smart. The advice I need is how to deal with this without dying inside every time I see her, how to deal with these feelings knowing nothing can ever come of them. Normally I would just avoid her but as I said she's my best friend and I can't hurt her, and withdrawing from her would do so," he said to her.

"Well," Minerva said slowly thinking a bit. "May I ask just why or what stands in the way of a relationship with her?"

"For starters, she's a student."

Minerva gasped as Severus went on.

"She's twenty years younger than me, not to mention what woman would want a greasy git of an ex-death eater like me? So you can see the problem."

"Oh Severus," Minerva sighed, saddened that he thought he wasn't worth loving. "Oh my, Its our Hermione isn't it?"

"Yes Minerva, Mione and I have formed a friendship this year."

After a moment when the shock wore off Minerva could see how that worked. She could picture them discussing books, debating theories, and arguing over potions. Mione had certainly been good for him, Minerva couldn't remember the last time she had seen him smile, and here he had laughed and even made a joke. Hermione prized intelligence over looks, she knew, and Severus was very intelligent.

"Well," Minerva said after thinking it through. "Hermione is 18 and therefore of legal age. The rules only state a Professor may not become romantically involved with an underage student. You wouldn't be the first to be involved with a student here at Hogwarts. As far as the age difference, Albus and I are almost 40 years apart and so I see no problem there. Her not wanting you? If Hermione is your friend she obviously understands about your past and sees past your gitness. Looks? Can you honestly tell me that Mione Granger is one to base her feelings and relationships on how one looks?"

"Minerva," said a shocked Severus. "Are you advising me to pursue her? I would expect that of Albus but not of you."

"Quite right my boy," Albus cut in.

"Why of course I am, you crazy man. You don't just give up what might possibly be the best thing to ever happen in your life without even seeing if there's a chance. Don't be foolish Severus, you love her, then go after her. Personally and I'm sure Albus agrees, as he's smiling and nodding at me, I believe you and Hermione to be a perfect match for each other, even with her strange behavior this year."

"Now Minerva," Severus smirked, "don't tell me your still sore about Seymore?"

"Oh hush Severus. It was probably the influence of your Slytherins on her."

"But seriously, she couldn't be interested in me like that," Severus protested.

"How would you know? Have you asked? No, I thought not. Your smart and mature and interested in the same things she is. You're just her type."

"And if I persue her and she isn't interested there goes our friendship."

"Bull Severus, if your true friends, then nothing will change that. It may be awkward for a bit but it will pass," Minerva told him.

"Do you really think that I should try, Minerva?"

"Severus, I honestly think if you don't, not only are you a fool but you will regret it for the rest of your life," Minerva told him gentlybut firmly.

"Well then," Severus said after thinking things through for a bit. "What advice would you give me to win the heart of a Gryffindor?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	15. These things are fun and fun is good.

Chapter Fifteen: These things are fun and fun is good.

**Detentions so far 15. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 20**

Hermione was clueless as to what Severus was up to. She would have never dreamed, well maybe dreamed, that Severus could be interested in her as a woman. So if she knew that he was asking advice on how to pursue her from Minerva and Albus she would have been blown away. She tried to ignore the feelings she got around him. Her dreams wouldn't let her hide from those feelings though. She woke up night after night from dreams of her and Severus kissing and making love, tobeing married with children and working on creating potions of their own.

It had been a couple weeks since her last detention. She had decided to try and space them a bit so she didn't run out before the end of the year. After all she did have 7 more months left of school. Despite not having detention she was still spending a few nights a week in the dungeon. A few days after her last detention, Severus had asked her to stay after class. He had then told her he enjoyed there talks and asked if she would like to come down to his office a couple nights a week and talk and work on potions with him. Of course she'd agreed. What a silly man, to think she didn't want to. They were getting to know each other quite well, and the more she got to know him, the more she felt for him.

Hermione decided that things in Hogwarts were getting to routine, it was time to have a little more fun. But what to do was the twenty four million dollar question. Oh, she had plenty of ideas, it was just a matter of picking the right one. Then it hit her. Seeing as how today was Thursday and she had Muggle Studies this afternoon, she decided she would do something with a Mugglish theme. Plus she knew it was going to drive Severus crazy. So Hermione got dressed and went down to the Common Room to fo to breakfast grinning wickedly at all the people she was going to annoy today.

"Hey Mione, shall we head down to breakfast?" Ron asked as she met up with him, Harry and Ginny.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...," Hermione told them as she walked out the door.

"Huh," Ron and Ginny said at the same time, while Harry recognizing the verse just laughed and pushed them out the door.

In the Great Hall at the breakfast table Ron asked Mione what that nonsense was all about.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells," was all Mione said while starting to eat.

"Your being very strange today Mione," was all Ron said as he started shoveling in food.

Seamus who had overheard looked up and grinned at Mione and Harry, laughing.

"Hey Mione," he called.

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow questioningly.

"I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am."

"Yer Seamus not Sam. Has all of Gryff gone nuts?" Ron asked.

"You do not like them so you say. Try them, try them and you may," Hermione replied causing the Muggle-borns in Gryffindor to laugh.

"Bloody Hell guys what's with this? There is no green eggs. I don't even see ham on the table!"

Harry tried amid laughs to explain to Ron about Dr Suess. Soon it was time for their first class so the Gryffindor 7th years headed off to DADA.

"Today class we are going to work on the spell called Xonella, mostly called the X spell for short. It's a spell that is used quite a bit by Auror's to detect dark spells. It can help you stay out of some serious trouble from stepping into a dark trap," Professor Lupin told the class.

"What can you tell us on this subject Mione?" Professor Lupin made the mistake of calling on Hermione today.

"I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some from behind," was all Mione said.

"Well that is definitely true. But what do you have to say about X?" Lupin tried again.

"X is very usefull if your name is Nixie Knox. It also comes handy spelling ax and extra fox."

"I see. Are you feeling ok today Mione? Is there something I should know about? Do you need to go to the hospital wing to have some spell reversed?"

"I would not, could not, in the rain. Not in the dark. Not on a train," Hermione stated smiling wickedly at him.

"Miss Granger, I'd appreciate it if you would answer my questions correctly unless you wish detention. If you are under some kind of spell then just shake your head. No then answer me without rhyming or it's detention for disrupting my class. This is not like you," Professor Lupin said, very frustrated.

"But it all turns out all right, you see. And I go back to being... me."

"Fine Hermione. Detention this evening. I'll let you know with who, when and where by owl by dinner. No more talking for the rest of the class."

Hermione stayed quiet the rest of the class except when practicing the spell, for which she did not rhyme. Then it was off to Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid, where they were working with Hippogryffs again. About halfway through the class Mione couldn't take being silent anymore, who knew speaking only in Dr. Seuss rhymes would be so hard.

"The lions and tigers and that kind of stuff they have up here now are not quite good enough. You see things like these in any old zoo. They're awfully old fashioned. I want something new!"

The class stared at her as one, with those that understood the reference were laughing. Hagrid looked at her strangly and told her they would be moving on to something new shortly to just hold onto her tailfeathers, which made the class laugh even harder.

"Four fluffy feathers on a Fiffer-feffer-feff," Mione said to that.

"Hermione," Hagrid said, in a warning tone catching on that she was misbehaving.

"I am a Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz as you can plainly see," she said chin in the air as if he had offended her by calling her Mione.

At this the whole class laughed. Even those who didn't understand found this funny. Although Neville was just trying to figure out if he needed to know what a Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz was for his grade.

"Detention Hermione, even though I hate to do it. Can't be haven ya disrupt me class now."

"How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?" Mione called out.

"Hermione!" Hagrid said loudly.

"I think what she's saying Professor is that she already has detention tonight," Harry told Hagrid.

"Well then Detention tomorrow Mione. I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to give you detention. Now class finish caren' fer yer Hippogryff and then you may go," Hagrid boomed out to the class.

"He speaks for trees and all living things, to clean the air and make sure the birds sing," Hermione said, shooting Hagrid a smile.

The rest of the class passed quietly and before they knew it it was lunch time with Potions to follow.

"Oi what a way to ruin the appetite," Ron said. "Putting Potions right after a meal. Who wants to deal with Snape on a full stomach."

"He is shortish and oldish and brownish and mossy. And he spoke with a voice that was sharpish and bossy."

"Gees Hermione I'll be glad when I can understand you again," Ron said in frustration. "Not that some of it isn't funny an all but still."

"I'm buying you the Dr Seuss collection for Christmas, Ron. Then you'll laugh at what your missing now. Not to mention everyone should read those books," Harry said happily.

"If you say so mate. Well, it's off to Potions, we don't want to be late."

"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way," Hermione told him while Harry laughed at the irony of Snape being a mountain.

Potions started out alright, they handed in their papers and of course he made the traditional dunderhead replies to Neville's.

"He's a really smart fellow, he's got brains in his head. But he doesn't speak words, he goes BOING BOING instead," Hermione snickered.

"Miss Granger, I don't believe your supposed to be talking, so don't."

"Professor," Pansy said with her hand in the air.

"Yes Miss Parkinson?"

"I forgot to add something, may I have my paper back for just a second?"

Hermione couldn't resist.

"The work is all done. Now she wanted it back."

"No Miss Parkinson. And 5 points from Gryffindor for not being quiet Miss Granger."

"Now we are going to be learning the Stability Potion. I will demonstrate this potion and then you will try it on your own. Hopefully one of you dunderheads can get it right. After that you will write a report which you will be reading to the class today."

"In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?"

"Yes, Miss Granger, I will, and I can. Now hush and make it twenty points from Gryffindor," Severus said with a sigh before starting to show them the potion.

The Slytherins shot the Gryffindors sympathetic looks before watching the demonstration. Then they went on to making the potion themselves and it wasn't long before Snape was berating Neville once again. How he got in an advanced class was beyond anyone, especially with the way Snape hated him.

"Pink! I don't believe it should be pink, Longbottom. Not a good beginning."

"Jerry Jordan's jelly jar and jam begin that way," Hermione interjected.

"Detention Miss Granger and five more points from Gryffindor."

Harry tentatively raised his hand, willing to risk Snape's ire for Mione.

"Yes Mr Potter, what is it?"

"I just wanted to let you know she has detention tonight and tomorrow also."

"Very well another Saturday detention Miss Granger."

Hermione glared at him from under her lashes and decided to get him back for that. She had had plans for Saturday morning damn him, oh yes, he would pay. She would get more detentions but it would be worth it, she thought to herself with a smirk. The class finished their potions, some even getting them right, and then went on to write their essay. Once the last student had turned theirs over Professor Snape started calling them in alphabetical order to come up and read them to the class. When it was Mione's turn she gave Severus an evil grin which made him flinch and wonder just how much she was going to make him pay. She stood in front of the class and half turned so that she was talking towards Severus as well. She cleared her throat and began. "Your mean one Mr Grinch You really are a heel You're as cuddly as a cactus Your as charming as an eel Mr Grinch You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel Your monster Mr Grinch Your Hearts an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders You've got garlic in your sole Mr Grinch I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half Foot pole You're a vile one Mr Grinch You've got termites in your smile You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile Mr Grinch Given the choice between the both of you I'd take the a seasick crocodile You're a foul one Mr Grinch You're a nasty wasty skunk Your heart is full of unwashed socks Your sole is full of gunk Mr Grinch The 3 words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote Stink, Stank, Stunk You're a rotter Mr Grinch You're the king of sinful sots Your hearts a dead tomato squashed with moldy purple spots Mr Grinch Your sole is an appalling dump heap Overflowing with the most disgraceful Assortment of deplorable rubbish Imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots You nauseate me, Mr Grinch With a nauseous super "naus" You're a crooked dirty jockey and, you drive a crooked hoss Mr Grinch You're a 3 Decker sour crout and toad stooll sandwich With arsenic sauce!"

She gave him her brightest smile and sat down seemingly oblivious to the stifled laughter surrounding her and the incredulas looks.

"Miss Granger," Severus practically roared, "there will be no more quoting Dr. Seuss in class. You will be rewriting this assignment in detention on SUNDAY! Class dismissed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	16. To Make a Werewolf Blush

Chapter Sixteen: To make a werewolf blush.

**Detentions so far 19. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 21**

Hermione spent very quiet detentions with Lupin and Hagrid, as neither one allowed her to talk. Her detentions with Severus were quite different, since all they did was talk and laugh.

They discussed the works of Dr Seuss, and how inappropriate her behavior was, even though he enjoyed her performance of "you're a mean one Mr Grinch", to which she apologized profusely telling him she was just angry and she didn't mean it.

They had quite a bit of fun in their detentions, though she did have to make several potions for the Hospital Wing. They got to know each other even more, and realized they both enjoyed a lot of the same things. They played a game of backgammon and started a weekly ritual that would last for a very long time. They met several times a week to talk and play.

Hermione noticed subtle changes in Severus's behavior towards her. He always pulled her chair out for her now, he would put his hand on the small of her back as they walked from his office to his living quarters for their games and talks, he was treating her as a woman. Mione just chalked it up to wishful thinking and tried to control herself.

He still treated her the same in class, which is to say he still smirked and sneered at her and berated her if she didn't get things perfect. She would have been angry, though, if he had given her any special treatment due to their friendship, so that was a good thing. He had actually mellowed a bit towards his students. Oh he was still as snarky as ever, but he had just stopped being needlessly cruel for the most part. The students were actually starting to get used to the dreaded Potions Master smiling from time to time, though it still scared some of the younger years witless, which just made him smile more.

As time passed they became comfortable enough with each other to discuss anything. He had even shared his reasons for becoming a Death Eater and why he came back to Albus with her. She told him about her nightmares and dreams and how she had felt confronting Voldemort with Harry and Ron. The only thing they didn't discuss was their feelings for each other.

The weeks passed in a whirl of enjoyment and contentment, the only one who couldn't see the love shining in Severus's eyes was Hermione, which was making her unhappy. Even the students were starting to notice that those eyes were directed towards Mione, and that she was looking too. It wasn't long before some of the seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins got together and decided it was up to them to give the couple the final push.

It was a Thursday when Severus finally got up the nerve to ask if she would like to join him for dinner in his quarters the next night.

"I would love to but I believe I will have another of those lovely detentions tomorrow night," Mione said with a laugh.

"Oh no, what have you planned now? Please say it is not for my class."

"Nope, Lupin is my next victim, er, I mean target, no I mean Professor this time," Mione said with a grin.

"Ok, spill it," Severus told her.

"Well, let's just say I did my required essay for DADA but added a little to the beginning."

"Poor Lupin," Severus laughed, thinking of the essays she had handed in to him.

"How about Saturday night then?" Severus asked her again.

"Sure," Mione smiled, "what time?"

"6pm. Is there anything you don't like to eat?"

"No, I'll be fine with whatever we have," Mione assured him with a smile.

"Well then Mione, I will see you on Saturday evening then."

In DADA the next day Mione handed in her essay and waited for Professor Lupin to grade them while they did their homework for the next lesson.

She could tell when he got to hers and he at first looked amused and then started blushing. It took all her willpower to stifle her giggles. When he got towards the end she looked back down at her book so he would not se she had been watching for his reaction. She pretended surprise when he yelled out to her.

"Miss Granger, you will never again hand in an essay that starts with anything resembling, "I recently had an experience I just had to write to you about..."uh any of the other stuff. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," Mione giggled.

"Detention this evening, provided you are not otherwise similarly occupied," Lupin said.

"No sir, I am free this evening."

"I will see you here after dinner then," Lupin said, and with that everyone went back to their work.

"Just what did you put in your essay to make Lupin blush like that?" Harry wanted to know as they made their way to lunch.

"Now Harry, if I told you that then you would start blushing too," Mione giggled.

"My Harry's adorable when he blushes Mione so tell us," Draco said, as he caught up with them.

"Wouldn't you like to know. Well, too bad, if you really want to know you'll have to ask Lupin, if he'll tell you."

Then during lunch Harry made the mistake of saying something to the effect of that with Moldy Voldy being gone and Him and Dray on good terms, he no longer had a villian to keep him on his toes. Upon hearing this Mione started getting some wicked ideas. Poor Harry, no one was safe from Mione's pranks, it seemed.

Professor Lupin gave Hermione a look as she walked into detention that evening that was somewhere between amused and wary.

"Don't worry Professor, your safe for now. It's Harry who should be worrying," Mione told him with an evil grin.

"Really?" Lupin said, with a relieved sigh. "Hmm, I'm almost afraid to ask, but I must say my curiosity is piqued. It's nothing against the rules is it?"

"Oh no, well at least not yet anyway. I seem to be creating quite a few of those this year."

"So what is in store for poor Harry?" Remus asked rubbing his hands together, fondly remembering his Marauder days.

"Nothing dangerous, just a little embarrassment is all."

"Go on, tell me already," Lupin said in frustration.

"Harry made the comment today that he no longer has a villian to keep him on his toes now that You Know Who is gone and him and Dray are on, uh, friendly terms. I thought that I would provide him with one," Mione laughed evilly, and explained the rest of her idea to Lupin as he looked at her with amusement and pride in her marauding skills.

*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	17. Whats in a Name?

Chapter Seventeen:

**Detentions so far 20. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 22**

Hermione and Lupin agreed it would be best to put the plan into action on Monday, as then Harry would have classes and he couldn't just hide away in his dorm.

At breakfast the following morning the Headmaster announced they would be having a holiday ball for the fourth through seventh years on New Years Eve. They would also have an extra Hogsmeade weekend so that students would be able to get whatever they needed.

Hermione thought to herself, "Oh great, another thing I can do alone." Everyone around her was all excited, even Ron and Harry. Harry leaned over and asked if she thought that he should ask Dray or let him do the asking. She of course thought he had better ask the Slytherin Prince...ss, getting a laugh from those listening and a glare from Harry for calling Dray a princess.

It wasn't until later when Ginny was reminiscing over how Fred and George had bribed Peeves to cause a distraction so that they could spike the punch at the last dance that Hermione started to think this ball just might be fun. Of course Peeves had officially been uninvited to any future parties but she thought she knew a way around that.

Mione quickly finished the rest of her breakfast and went off to search the castle. After about an hour of following clues, interrogating portraits and armor, she finally found her quarry.

"Hello Peeves, just the poltergeist I was looking for," Mione smiled at his surprised look.

"I've got an offer for you, one you just can't refuse," she told him, as she beckoned him into an empty classroom to tell him of her plan.

By the time Hermione had to go meet Severus for dinner that evening she was a nervous wreck and had actually been asked to the ball by no less that 3 boys. It seemed Slytherins weren't as slow as Gryffindors when it came to asking. Mione had changed clothes at least twenty times and despaired of ever getting her hair to do anything right. Mione knew it was just a friendly dinner away from the noise and crowd of the Hall but she was a bundle of nerves anyway.

She knocked on Severus's chamber door at precisely 6pm and offered him a blinding smile when he opened it.

"Do come in Hermione," he said, stepping back and allowing her to enter. "You look enchanting this evening."

"Why thank you Severus," Mione said, blushing. "You look quite nice yourself. I do believe green is your color."

"Thank you. Do sit down, I'll get the drinks." Severus said sweeping out of the room.

He offered her a glass of champagne and let her know they were having Shrimp Linguini, if that was alright with her, which, as it was her favorite, it was. They had a lovely meal with delightful conversation and chocolate mousse for dessert.

"Are you looking forward to the New Years Ball?" Severus asked, hoping for an opening to ask her if she would dance with him.

"Oh yes, I can't wait for the Ball. I think I will definitely have a lot of fun," Mione said with a laugh and a twinkle in her eyes.

"I'm glad to hear that. I do hope you will do me the honor of saving me a dance, Miss Granger," he said, smiling back at her.

"Oh my Severus, I do believe that would make half the room faint in shock. Of course I would be happy to dance with you."

"Are you going with your friends then?" Severus asked her.

"No, my date asked if we could go on our own."

"Your date? Well that was quick. So that's why you believe it will be so fun." Severus stated, his heart breaking.

Hermione, not knowing why Severus seemed so down now, just assumed he wasn't looking forward to chaperoning, cheerily said,

"Yes. This will definitely be a date to remember."

"So who is your date?" Severus asked, wishing he could break the little sod's legs.

"Now that is something I'm not telling. You'll see when I get there. Do make sure you don't take off within the first hour. I plan on dancing the first dance with you," Mione said, smiling shyly.

"Won't your new beau be upset if you don't dance the first dance with him?"

"Trust me, it won't bother him at all," Mione said with a wicked grin.

They talked until it was almost curfew. He walked her back to the Gryffindor tower, where he told how much he enjoyed their evening and to say good night.

Mione fell asleep that night dreaming of a life with Severus, a smile on her lips.

Severus went to Minerva to pour out his broken heart.

"Sometimes," Albus thought to himself, "It amazed him how two otherwise extremely intelligent people can be so blind."

Mione was still smiling when she got ready to go to classes Monday morning. She had spent half the day Sunday playing backgammon with Severus. She almost felt bad for how she was going to torment Harry today. Then she just thought about all of the times he had embarrassed and teased her and it passed. So she grabbed her Phantom of the Opera mask, her pink stuffed snake, and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast.

After breakfast as the Gryffindor seventh years were walking to their first class, Mione pulled her mask out and put it on and got her stuffed snake out. Ron and Harry were looking at her as if she were crazy.

"Mione," Harry began, only to be cut off.

"I am She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and now you must pay. Sic em Bassy!" Mione cackled and started chasing Harry with the pink stuffed snake.

"Mione!" Harry shrieked, embarrassed. "Cut it out."

"I am She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, were you not listening?"

Mione chased him all the way into the Potions Room, where Severus upon seeing this display just sat down at his desk and laughed. He found it so amusing he told her to carry on tormenting Harry and assigned the class an essay and gave them a free period. The class while stunned didn't waste any time leaving.

By the end of the day Harry was running out of his classes trying to avoid Mione. Blushing beet red whenever she caught up with him. He had thought McGonagall had put a stop to it after transfigurations when she had, albeit stifling a laugh, sternly told Mione, "It's not acceptable to call yourself that and chase Harry with a snake. Even if it is stuffed."

It wasn't until Dray and Mils, laughing like crazy, explained he'd brought it upon himself that he screamed at Hermione.

"I take it back, I don't need a villain to keep me on my toes." Then promptly transfigured Mione's snake into a teddy bear and her mask into a pair of sunglasses and proclaimed. "I am the Hero and I banish the villain in the end anyway."

Mione fell to the floor laughing and squirming due to the tickling charm Harry was using on her.

"Stop! I give, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is defeated!"

"Death by Tickles!" Harry crowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	18. Yuletide Cheer

Chapter Eighteen: Yule Tide Cheer

*~*~*~*~*

**Detentions so far 20. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 23**

The day of the Yule Ball dawned clear and sunny with a nice film of white snow covering everything. Mione was looking forward to this evening almost as much as she was looking forward to her NEWTs, which was saying a lot. Breakfast in the Great Hall that morning was full of laughter and excited chatter.

"So Mione," Ron asked, "who are you taking to the ball? We are your friends, it's only fair that we should know."

"You'll see Ron, when we arrive and not a moment sooner."

"Krum's not here so we know it can't be him," Harry stated.

"What does it matter? You both have the dates you want," Hermione exclaimed, exasperated.

"We just don't like not knowing. We're nosy," Ron said, through a mouthful of eggs.

"Well that's just too bad, now isn't it?"

"What's too bad?" Draco asked, as several Slytherins slid into seats at the Gryffindor table.

"Mione won't tell us who she's going to the ball with." Harry told Dray, after a quick kiss.

"Well she's not going with a Slytherin, I can tell you that. She turned those who asked down flat," Dray told the group.

"Well, we'll find out tonight won't we, so no big deal. None of you will die of curiosity," Pansy laughed.

~*~*~*~*~

When it came time to start getting ready for the ball, Hermione grabbed her things and headed to the Room of Requirement. She took a nice long bath and pampered herself before starting to dress. She looked forward to seeing Severus's reaction when he saw her. Mione put on a few last minute touches before her date arrived. The ball had already started but they had planned being late. There was a knock on the door and Hermione opened it and smiled at her date, who offered his arm.

The Great Hall slowly fell silent as Hermione walked in on the arm of Hogwarts resident poltergeist. It was not only the fact that Mione had come to the ball with a ghost as her date that had some staring. Hermione was dressed head to toe in Slytherin colors. From the Slytherin green slippers on her feet, her green and silver dress robes, emerald and silver necklace and earrings, to the silver snake braclets on her wrists. Even her makeup was Slytherin colors. With her hair piled high on her head and little ringlets framing her face she looked enchanting. Not beautiful in the normal sense of the word, but enchanting just the same. She sought out Severus and was encouraged by the look on his face. It seemed the dreaded Potions Master of Hogwarts quite approved of her.

As Hermione dragged Peeves over to greet Harry, Dray and the rest of the group the hall erupted in chatter. Peeves excused himself to go over to the punch bowl, supposedly to get Hermione a drink.

"No wonder you wouldn't tell us who your date was," Ron laughed.

Harry and Dray and the other Slytherins just gave her a look as if wondering what she was up to. Mione just smiled at them as the hall quieted again as Severus made his way to the group of Slytherins and Gryffindors. He bowed before Mione as he reached her and held out his hand.

"I believe the first dance was promised to me," he said, silkily, as those around them gasped in surprise.

"I do believe your quite right sir. Shall we?"

The hall was silent as Hermione and Severus took a place on the dance floor. Those in the hall were so occupied with staring at the couple on the dance floor they forgot about Peeves for a moment. This was definitely going to be a night that would be talked about for a long long time.

"You look absolutely divine this evening, Mione," Severus whispered in her ear as they swept across the dance floor.

"You look rather dashing yourself Severus," Mione replied. "I'm sure the colors I'm wearing influenced your compliment though."

"Well green and silver do seem to be your colors my dear," Severus told her mischievously.

"Actually Severus, I do believe they're your colors," Hermione said, with a grin.

"Quite right, but they look so much better on you than me. Your going to have a lot of boys asking for a dance this evening."

"Be that as it may, this is the only one that matters," Mione said looking up at him through her lashes.

"A pity it's almost over already, you dance quite well. Perhaps we can share another later," Severus asked, almost shyly.

"I'd like that Severus," Mione said as the music ended and Severus returned her to her friends and bowed away.

Just then Peeves returned.

"I took the liberty of grabbing everyone a glass of punch," Peeves said with a wink to Mione.

The others looked at the glasses of punch as they took them off the tray and at Peeves suspiciously.

"Trust me, my friends," Mione said. "You'll definitely enjoy the punch."

Mione dragged Peeves off to the dance floor and they caused another spectacle as Peeves clasped her hand and raised her up off the floor. Everyone looked on in awe as Peeves and Hermione danced three feet off the floor. When the song ended they made their way around the room speaking with various people and greeting the Headmaster and teachers, who gave Peeves cold looks.

"Peeves," Dumbledore said, "I believe we disinvited you to any further school functions."

"True, Headmaster, quite true. But who could say no when such a lovely lady invites you to a ball?"

"Oh, there's Millicent waving to us. We really must go chat," Mione said, dragging Peeves away.

"Ok Peeves, give me one more dance with Severus and then it's party time," Hermione whispered as she made her way towards Severus.

"Professor, would you care for one last dance?"

"Why, Miss Granger, I'd be delighted," Severus said, with a smile and led her out onto the floor.

Meanwhile Peeves slowly glided his way out the door to collect a few party favors. The students had finally realized that the punch had somehow been spiked, even though most of the students efforts to do the same had failed, and were having a lovely time.

A little while later the students were startled as the first of the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes patented Filibuster Fireworks shot through the Great Hall lighting up the ceiling in Green and Silver, followed closely by all the other house colors. Of course they were charmed to only fly around the ceiling so that no one got hurt. From there chaos broke out as the students oohhed and ahhed over the many different creatures the fireworks erupted into as the teachers tried to get everyone to leave. Peeves was flying around letting off confetti bombs, glitter grenades and generally enjoying himself immensely. Someone had transformed the Great Hall to look like a park to go with the fireworks. Between the alcohol and the entertainment the students were having the time of their lives. Mione just smiled and waited for the inevitable, which came exactly six minutes later as Headmaster Dumbledore made his way to her.

"Miss Granger," he bellowed. "Peeves is NOT an acceptable date to the Yule Ball. In fact, you may not invite Peeves as your date or companion or anything to any school function ever again. Is that perfectly clear?"

"Yes sir," Mione said, trying not to laugh. "Now all of you are to return to your dormitory's immediately. After the fireworks show that is," Dumbledore said with a kind smile as he took a seat on the floor which was charmed to look like a grass hill and proceeded to ooh and ahhh with the students, while McGonagall and the other teachers tried to rein in the chaos.

*~*~*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	19. Waking up Binns

Chapter Nineteen: Waking up Binns.

**Detentions so far 20. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 24**

The Yule ball was still the talk of the school come Monday morning when classes started again. It seemed everyone had had a wonderful time despite some of the hangovers the next morning. The fact that Hermione had caused the excitement was rather unexpected, even after some of her pranks this year. Hermione could not help smiling after hearing some 4th years telling the younger Gryffindors just how much they missed.

Now it was back to class and back to her plan. She smiled mischievously on her way to history of magic that day. She planned to liven up the class a little bit. Hermione wondered if anyone would even wake up for it though. Professor Binns tended to be very long winded and put many of the students to sleep. Towards the end of the class, Professor Binns started giving out the daily homework assignment. Hermione held back her smile, put on her best serious look, and raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Professor as I did this exact assignment when I attended this class as Lucy Wren in 1962 do I have to complete it again," Hermione asked as seriously as she could.

"Excuse me? I'm not quite sure I understand what your saying Miss Granger," Professor Binns said.

"Well sir, in one of my past lives I was Lucy Wren and I attended Hogwarts and this exact assignment was given. I completed it at that time so I don't believe I should have to complete it again."

"Miss Granger, I do not find this amusing. You will serve detention this evening, and complete this assignment."

"But Professor, I really have done this before," she whined, beautify.

"Miss Granger," Binns said, very uncharacteristically raising his voice "Make that two detentions, Past lives have no effect on your homework and that is final. Class dismissed."

Hermione made it about ten steps from the classroom door before she fell over laughing.

"Mione, that had to have been the most interesting History of Magic class I have ever attended," laughed Draco.

"That was great Mione, I can't believe you got Binns to raise his voice. Not only that but I think there was a time that every student was awake in class," Harry said, trying to control his laughter.

"I only wonder who she will be spending detention with," Draco mused.

"Why they'll put me with Professor Snape of course. That is always what they do with the repeat offenders," Hermione laughed.

"Well all I can say is I am glad I am not you Mione," Ron said, grimacing at the thought of detention with Snape.

"Oh I can handle it. Snape doesn't scare me."

As she had predicted Mione's detention, that evening was scheduled with Snape. She just smiled when she got the news, reinforcing some people's belief that she was losing her mind.

She knocked on the Potions door precisely on time and was told to come in immediately.

"Good evening Professor," Mione called, a little too cheerfully for someone going to detention. "I am here for my detention."

"Ahh yes, Miss Granger. I can't say it's very surprising to find myself having to oversee a detention with you any longer. If I had been told at the beginning of the year that most of the detentions I would be overseeing would be with Miss know-it-all Granger I would have scoffed," he said, rather mildly.

"Yes, well a girls got to do what a girls got to do," she said with a wink.

"And just what is it that a girl has to do Mione?" Severus Drawled silkily.

"Now Severus, a girl has to have some secrets."

"I see. Binns was not too happy with you today. I think you may have woken him up."

Mione laughed and rolled her eyes at Severus's teasing of her.

"It's about time someone did. He needs to realize just how boring he is. Not to mention realizing he's a ghost," Mione said, matter of factly. "But onto detention. Did you have plans for me or would you be interested in a little exercise?"

"Exercise Miss Granger?"

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a run around the grounds," Mione said, shooting him a sly look.

"And just why would I want to run around the castle grounds at night. It's your detention why should I have to run?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a little frolic than a run," Mione said, pausing a moment, "in our animagus forms."

Severus looked at her for a moment before offering her one of his rare smiles. She almost forgot where she was and what she was up to when he threw that smile at her. When he smiled, it took her breath away.

"I take it you have mastered your animagus form then?"

"Oh yes, and it is such a nice night for a little run," she said, breathlessly. "In that case Miss Granger, lead the way."

They slowly made their way up out of the dungeon and onto the castle grounds in comfortable silence. Once they had gotten around away from the main doors, a little bit Mione shot Severus a coy glance as she proceeded to melt into her animagus form. Severus was awed by the beautiful Lioness standing in front of him and couldn't help but reach down to stroke her tawny head before melting into his form.

They spent the next few hours exploring the grounds together, running, and playing in their other forms, never noticing the wizard smiling from his window as he watched the panther and the lioness at play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	20. Road to Prankdom

Chapter Twenty: Road to Prankdom

**Detentions so far 22. List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 25**

The two Animagi transformed back in the side gardens out of breath, with their eyes sparkling.

"Oh, that was just so much fun," Hermione sighed. "I didn't realize just how free I would feel."

"Yes, quite freeing I've found." Severus replied, looking down into her eyes.

They stood there in the moonlight looking at each other breathlessly. "It's time to put that famous Gryffindor bravery to the test," she thought, looking into Severus's dark eyes. She slowly leaned in towards him and tilted her head up as she reached her arms up to wrap them around his neck, when suddenly a group of students could be heard chatting and coming right towards them. They jumped apart from each other as if burned.

"I should be getting in, Professor. Thank you for the run, I rather enjoyed it," Hermione whispered, just as the students turned into the garden.

She turned and with only one short look back at Severus, made her way up to Gryffindor tower, cursing her schoolmates all the way for the interruption.

Tuesday morning dawned bright and sunny, putting a stop to Mione's bad mood. While it was true they had been interrupted the previous evening, he hadn't been pulling away from her, so there was still hope. She went of to breakfast with Harry, Draco, and Ron whistling a happy little tune.

"Hey Mione, how can you be so cheerful after a night of detention? Did you sniff some Pepper Up fumes while you were cleaning cauldrons," Ron asked.

"No, Ronald," she said, giving him a glare. "But who could be in a bad mood on such a nice day?"

"True. I hope it stays like this for Quidditch practice tonight," Harry said, smiling at Draco.

"You're going to need that practice. You play us next week, and we're going to whip your Gryffindor butts," Draco said with a smirk.

"Yeah, we're real worried. I mean, after all you guys beat us so frequently," Harry laughed.

They continued arguing over Quidditch all through breakfast until the post arrived. Mione couldn't help but roll her eyes at the silly boys. "Is Quidditch all they thought about?"

Mione was surprised to receive something other than her usual subscriptions to The Daily Prophet and The Quibbler. She received a package from the Weasley twins. She quickly opened the note that came with it and let out a laugh. Apparently they had heard of her new penchant for pranks and had decided to send her a care package to help her along on her road to prankdom, their words, not hers. She found it amusing that the record she was trying to beat was the twins and here they were happy to help her out.

"What's so funny Mione?" Ron asked. "What do ya have there?"

"Your brothers have generously decided to help me out with my pranks, Ron. They've sent me a Weasley Wizarding Wheezes care package," she laughed.

They continued to discuss the package and its contents all the way to Transfigurations. In that class they continued studying Animagus which left her free to daydream about her Potions Professor. At the end of the class she slowly gathered up her things and then, as she was getting up, she dropped her bag and its contents spilled all over the floor. Professor McGonagall, true to form, walked over to help one of her favorite students.

That's when she put her latest plan into action. She quickly grabbed up her today's books, leaving a few things for the Professor to pick up. As Professor McGonagall looked at her strangely and handed them to her. She started stammering out an explanation.

"Well you see Professor McGonagall, I have those in my book bag because...uh, after classes I was just going to get dressed up and take Seymore out to..."

"Never mind. I am not interested in why you happen to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in your book bag." Professor McGonagall cut her off with a red face and walked hurriedly away.

"But Professor..."

"No, Miss Granger, your Professors are not interested."

Mione smiled to herself and went off to her next class, which today happened to be DADA. She took her seat next to Harry and Ron and smiled at Professor Lupin.

"What took you so long Mione?" Harry asked, after she had sat down.

"I dropped my bag Harry, had to pick up my stuff," she said, with a wicked grin to Harry, who grinned back being aware of her plan to embarrass Professor McGonagall.

"Today we are going to discuss the Fernaculas Curse. Can anyone tell me what this curse is?" Professor Lupin addressed the class.

"Yes Miss Granger?"

"It causes a heart attack in the person it is directed at, though while not always deadly if the person is strong, will put them out of commission in a battle or fight...in accordance with the prophecy."

"Excellent, Miss Granger, except for that part at the end. The Fernaculas curse is not associated with any prophecies," Professor Lupin said. "Now who can tell me what the counter is to this curse?"

Mione listened with half an ear while Professor Lupin went around the class asking questions and helping those having trouble practicing the counter curse. As the lesson was nearing it's end Professor told everyone to put their wands away and assigned the homework for the next class.

"Now what did we learn is the most important aspect to remember about the Fernaculas Curse today?"

"That unlike Crucio and Imperious, it can be countered...according to the prophecy," Mione stated.

"Yes, it can be countered, but once again it has nothing to do with prophecy. Detention tomorrow evening Miss Granger for your refusal to listen."

"Yes, Professor Lupin. That was expected, according to the prophecy."

"Make that two detentions Miss Granger. Do not add in accordance to the prophecy to answers you give a professor unless they specifically stated it was in accordance to the prophecy. Class Dismissed."

They all filed out into the halls walking to lunch in the Great Hall. As they were walking along the tables to their normal spots a first year screeched and caught their attention.

"What is the matter?" Mione asked them.

"It's a big bug," one first year girl stammered, obviously scared of it.

"So, it won't eat much."

"Gross!" Several of the first years shouted.

Mione remembering how the upper classes treated them in first year got a wicked little grin on her face.

"You want to talk gross. I dare you to eat it. Then you won't have to worry about it anymore."

One pale but brave first year obviously having his pride insulted grabbed it up and shoved it in his mouth and swallowed. Mione looked on in disbelief. She hadn't thought they actually would, as the first year got up and ran from the hall obviously a little ill.

"Another detention Miss Granger," Severus drawled, as Mione gasped, not realizing he had snuck up behind her. "Never dare a first year to eat a bug. They always will."

With that he glided up to the high table to eat his lunch and the trio made their way to their spots laughing over the first year's expression as he ran from the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	21. Lemonaide!

Chapter Twenty One: Lemonaide!

**Detentions so far 25 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 28**

Mione walked through the dungeons that evening a little nervous. After the almost kiss last night she didn't know how Severus was going to act. She steeled herself and pushed open his office door. He was sitting at his desk grading papers and he looked up as she walked in. With a nod of his head he indicated she should start on the stack of papers to be graded across from him and then offered her a smile before getting back to work. She let out a breath of air she had not even realized she had been holding and sat down to start grading the 3rd year essays. They worked in silence for about an hour, when she finished the last essay. He had already finished and was leaned back in his chair with his hands steepled underneath his chin, just watching her. She put the last essay down and looked up and smiled at him.

"Well, I can definitely understand your attitude sometimes now. Some of those essays were downright pathetic."

"Be careful, Miss Granger. People will start to say your sounding like me," he said with a snort.

"That's alright Severus, I could be compared to a lot worse, at least you have intelligence," she said, smiling at him.

"Your night's detention is officially over. I appreciate the help with the correcting, Mione. You're free to go if you like. Though I have a nice bottle of wine and some Roast Duck waiting if you'd care to join me for dinner?"

"I'd be delighted Severus," she said, rising to follow him to his chambers.

They had a good meal and afterwards sat on his couch enjoying the wine and talking about their day. She was wondering just what he was thinking as he never once mentioned the night before and acted like it hadn't happened. She was rather disappointed at that, but he had invited her to dinner, which had to mean something didn't it?

At the same time Severus was wondering just what was going through her head. He didn't bring up what happened in the garden the night before because he wasn't sure if she regretted it or not. He was worrying that she wasn't saying anything about it because she had realized that he was not good enough for her.

She scooted closer to him on the couch ostensibly to get a better look at the book he had on his lap that he was reading to her from. When he didn't even glance up, just pointed out the paragraph he was reading to her, she smiled and moved even closer. She spent more time looking at him than really listening to what he was saying about the potion they were discussing.

When he looked up to ask her what she thought they were face-to-face staring into each other's eyes. She took the moment to lean in and press a kiss to his lips. As soon as their lips touched it was as if a fire had started raging. He let the book slid off his lap and wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close as he deepened the kiss. She opened her mouth and tentatively brushed her tongue across his lips, sending a spark of lust coursing through his body.

She opened her eyes as he pulled away wondering if she had done something wrong, but he just caressed her face and looked into her eyes before pulling her back for another kiss. Several minutes later they finally pulled apart for some air.

"Wow, Sev, that was wonderful," she said, all dreamy eyed.

"It rather was, wasn't it," he said softly, smiling at her.

He wrapped his arms around her tighter and they sat watching the fire, content just to be in each other's arms. A while later he pressed a kiss to her lips and sat up and looked at her.

"Would you care to go to dinner in Hogsmeade on Saturday, Mione?" He asked, a bit fearful that she wouldn't want to be seen in public with him.

"Of course Sev, I'd love to but won't you get in trouble if you're seen dating a student?"

"If you were an underage student yes but as you are of legal age there is no school rule against it."

"Well then, I'd be happy to go to dinner with you or anywhere else you'd like to go," she said, with a blinding smile.

"I'll walk you back to the tower, it's almost curfew."

They walked up to Gryffindor tower in silence, sneaking looks at each other and smiling when they caught each other. At the door Gryffindor tower he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, wished her a good night and smiled at her before turning to return to the dungeons for a restless night of dreaming of her.

Mione drifted into the common room on cloud nine and went straight up to bed to dream about her wonderful evening with Severus.

Mione woke the next morning feeling as if everything in her world was finally falling into place. She was going out to dinner with Sev on Saturday and they had shared the most amazing kiss. It had been nothing like the kisses she had shared with Viktor nor the sloppy kiss she had shared with Ron before they had realized they were too good of friends to be in a relationship. This kiss had been mind blowing. With Severus's arms around her she had felt as if she could do anything. Life was good.

The only cloud on the horizon was that if she was going to go to dinner in Hogsmeade with him, she was going to have to tell the boys before the weekend about her and Sev. They were not going to take this well.

"Hey Mione, let's get down to breakfast. We need all the strength we can get before Potions," Ron yelled up to her.

Oh yes, they weren't going to take this well at all.

Later that morning they were sitting in the Potions classroom working on their days potion. Mione, of course, had finished hers well before anyone else except Draco and was bored. This year a bored Mione was not a good thing. Sitting there trying to keep from falling asleep, she got a wicked idea. When it came time to turn in her vial of the potion she had made she labeled it and took it up to Severus's desk and returned to her seat waiting for the explosion. She didn't have to wait long until she heard Severus bark.

"Miss Granger! You do not mark poison with a smiley face," he yelled. "Detention Miss Granger, and since detentions don't seem to be deterring you this year 50 points from Gryffindor for this little stunt. Class dismissed."

"Mione, what were you thinking?" Ron grumbled.

"Don't worry Ron, I'll make it up before the end of the day."

"Yeah, if you don't lose anymore points."

"As I said, don't worry I'll make the points up. I may get more detentions but I'll make the points up. Besides I've seen you two lose way more than that so back off."

"She's right Ron. Mione can make them up anytime. We never can so let's just leave it alone. She'll be paying when she has to sit in another detention with the greasy git," Harry said.

She almost felt like telling them just how enjoyable her detentions were turning out to be just to see the looks on their face but now was definitely not a good time.

The rest of the day went smoothly, Mione was able to make up those fifty points and more before the end of her last class and delighted in rubbing that in Ron's face at dinner.

"Ok, ok Mione I get it. I should have just kept my mouth shut."

"Maybe you've learned then. We can hope anyways," she sneered.

"Geesh Mione, I think all those detentions your serving with Snape have been bad for you. You're starting to sound just like him."

"Well at least I sound intelligent then," she said, glaring at him.

"Mione..." Ron started only to be interrupted by Professor McGonagal.

"Miss Granger, something has been brought to the staffs attention and I have come to tell you that you are not allowed to sell what you term as magic beans to the first years, do you understand? You will also return all the money you were given for said magic beans or you will be serving detention longer than you care to imagine, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Professor, crystal clear."

"On second thought Miss Granger. Make that not only first years but any year," Professor McGonagal said, before turning and walking back to the staff table.

"Just how much money did you make off the first years Mione?" Draco asked.

"Oh, about 30 Galleons is all," she told him with a grin, leaving them gaping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	22. Plans and decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!

Chapter Twenty Two: Plans and decisions

Chapter 22

**Detentions so far 26 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 30**

Mione was going to her last detention with Professor Lupin, on Thursday evening humming under her breath. Professor Lupin had assigned her two detentions with him so she had not been able to see Sev except in class and at meals. She was still flying high over their kissage and while missing him knew she would see him in detention tomorrow and at dinner Saturday evening. She still hadn't told Ron and Harry, but she would before Saturday.

She was behaving herself as she had detention through next Monday anyway but something about that little tune that was stuck in her head begged to be inflicted on someone else, and since Lupin was the only one who she was going to be around for awhile it looked as if he just wasn't going to get a break.

"Good evening, Professor Lupin. What would you like me to do this evening?" She asked, still humming.

"Well Mione, you could help me correct some papers. Professor Snape said you do quite well with the younger year Potions papers," Lupin said, smiling gently.

"Of course, Professor. I'd be happy to help."

"Hmm, then it's not really a punishment is it?" He said, with a laugh. "But, I won't tell if you don't."

"That works for me, Professor."

He went and got her a stack of papers to work on and returned to his desk to finish his own grading. After a few moments she started singing softly, yet loudly enough for Professor Lupin to hear.

"I'm Henry the eighth I am  
Henry the eighth I am, I am  
I got married to the widow next door  
She's been married seven times before  
And every one was a Henry (Henry)  
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)  
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry  
Henry the eighth I am

Second verse same as the first.  
I'm Henry the eighth I am  
Henry the eighth I am, I am  
I got married to the widow next door  
She's been married seven times before  
And every one was an Henry (Henry)  
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)  
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry  
Henry the eighth I am."

She continued singing softly until finally at wits end Professor Lupin actually shouted at her.

"Miss Granger, enough! No more Henry the eighth I am, Please."

"Oh, of course. I am sorry Professor; it's just that I can't get the song out of my head. I don't even realize I'm singing it."

"Well, in that case Mione, you can go." Professor Lupin said, trying to avoid further irritation.

Mione was feeling rather feisty Friday afternoon and retrieved her suction cup toy gun at lunchtime. She decided it might be fun to play a little. After all in a few months she would be graduating from Hogwarts and then she was expected to be an adult in an adult world. She might as well play while she could. Ron, Harry, and Draco were not too happy with her using them as targets, but hey, at least she wasn't hexing them.

She was having a good time shooting anything that moved until she shot Severus. He didn't seem too happy about being involved in her game.

"Miss Granger, just what is this?" He said, showing her the suction cup dart.

"Oh, sorry Professor. I was playing "Pulp Fiction" and I guess I just got caught up," Mione said, throwing him a smile.

"Ten points, Miss Granger. You are not allowed to play... "Pulp Fiction" ...with a suction-cup dart pistol and any professor," he sneered, as he tossed her the dart and stormed away.

She stood there for moment thinking; uh oh I really ticked him off, goody. Then resumed her game targeting a Hufflepuff third year.

After the last class of the day Mione went up to her room and found the Celtic cross necklace that her mother had given her for her 15th birthday and slipped it on before heading down to supper. She sat and chatted with Harry, Draco, Ron, and his girlfriend until it was time to go for her detention. She resolved to tell them after detention about her and Severus.

On her way to detention she ran into Professor Lupin and he stopped to chat with her.

"That's a very pretty necklace, Mione."

"Thank you, Professor. It's serving as protection this evening," she said with a wicked little grin.

"Protection, Mione?"

"Well, Professor Snape is a little irritated with me and I have detention with him this evening."

"Mione," Lupin laughed. "Crucifixes do not ward off Professor Snape, and you should not test that. Trust me on this."

"Thank you, Professor. I'll keep that in mind," she said, as she continued on her way down to the dungeons for her detention.

When she walked into Severus's office he was waiting with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So you find it amusing to shoot your professors with dart guns, do you Mione," he sneered.

"That really would depend on the Professor, sir," she said cautiously.

"I see. And did you find shooting me amusing?"

"Well sir, that all depends on whether you found it amusing or not?" She said, with half a smile.

"I must say that having a suction cup sticking to my back in the middle of a hallway full of students was not the most amusing thing I have had happen to me."

"I'm sorry Sev, I didn't think. Please don't be angry with me," she told him, giving him the puppy dog look.

"Just don't let it happen again. If the students see me playing games in the halls that would ruin my bad reputation," he said smirking at her.

"And, oh my gosh, we wouldn't want that to happen. Why then they might not be afraid of you any longer."

"That would be unacceptable, of course. Shall we adjourn to my chambers or would you prefer to clean cauldrons?" He asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Lead the way, professor."

They cuddled up on the couch and talked about what had happened since they had last talked, between kisses. After one especially passionate kiss she laughed.

"You find my kisses funny?" He said acting outraged.

"I was just thinking about how the Gryffindors were commiserating with how awful my detentions with you were and thinking if only they knew just how much I truly enjoyed detentions with the dreaded Potions Master."

"Do you really think they'd believe you?"

"Hmmm, you do have a point. Despite my prankage this year they still see me as the bookworm. Who'd believe I'd be spending detentions trying to seduce a professor. Not to mention who'd believe that you would be spending your time with a Gryffindor, the Gryffindor know-it-all at that."

"Well, after tomorrow evening everyone will know. Going out in Hogsmeade will set the gossiper's tongues' wagging that's for sure," he said, looking at her for any signs that being seen with him might bother her.

"If you don't care, I don't," she said, smiling softly at him.

"I'll be proud to be your date for the evening, Mione. How could it bother me to have the whole world know a beautiful, intelligent woman agreed to go out with me?"

"Awww, Sev, you do say the most wonderful things. You'd best be careful or I might start thinking you're not the snarky potions master I've come to know."

"And we couldn't have that now could we?" He said before kissing her until she was breathless.

Much later as he walked her back to her common room he brought up their date.

"I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening. Would you like me to come to the Gryffindor tower to pick you up or should we meet somewhere?"

"Well as I will probably go into Hogsmeade for the afternoon, how about we meet at the Three Broomsticks?"

"Alright, I'll meet you there at 6pm then," he said, and gave her a kiss goodnight.

"Goodnight Sev," she whispered, as he turned to go.

She walked into the busy common room and wandered over to her friends.

"Where's Ginny?"

"Oh she's up in her room," Ron, said, barley looking up from his chess game with Draco.

"I'll go get her then we need to go somewhere private as I have to talk to you guys."

"Me too?" Dray asked or just Harry and Ron.

"You too Dray."

A few minutes later when she dragged Ginny down they headed out with the help of the Marauders Map to the Room of Requirement.

"Alright Mione, what's going on? Why all the secrecy." Harry asked her sitting on the couch.

"I have something to tell you guys before it becomes public knowledge and I know at least Ron is going to start shouting so I thought I'd do this in private."

"Well, are you going to tell us or what," asked Ginny?

"It's just; I have a date tomorrow night."

"That's great, Mione. It's about time, but why would I get mad over you having a date? We decided long ago we were just friends," Ron told her.

"It's not so much my date that's going to upset you guys, but who I'm dating."

"So, what your saying is your already dating this guy and you don't think we'll approve," Ginny stated.

"Something like that," Mione said.

"Alright, so just tell us already, no need to dramatize it," Dray said, with his trademark sneer.

"Actually Dray, I think you're the only one here who might not get upset by who it is."

"Well, that's not very reassuring," Ron, said grinning at Draco.

"Tell us already, Mione. Before we get mad just because you're stalling."

"Ok, ok. I've been seeing..."

There was a crash as the door slammed open and they turned to see Filch grinning merrily at catching students out of bed after curfew.


	23. The silence a single date can bring.

Chapter Twenty-Two: The silence a single date can bring.

Being a bit scatterbrained, I may get class schedules wrong. I did not actually write one out so if I misplace a class day do forgive me. I am working with the impression that class time's change from time to time.

**Detentions so far 26 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 34**

As the Gryffindors and one lone Slytherin were ushered to their heads of house with a shiny new detention from Filch, they all wondered when Mione would be telling them whom she was dating. They also tried to come up with just who it was. Only Draco who being Slytherin watched everyone suspiciously thus seeing more than the Gryffindor's coupled with the fact Mione had said he wouldn't disapprove came even close to guessing. He was half-right, as she was now dating a Slytherin. Even Draco was about to be shocked speechless by Mione's confession.

After the Gryffindor foursome had been read the riot act by Professor McGonagal they went back to the tower and snagged Harry's Invisibility cloak and snuck down to Dray's room in the dungeons. Being Head Boy and having a private room certainly had its privileges. Harry definitely thought so anyway. After they had all gotten comfortable around Draco's room they looked at Mione to explain herself.

"Oh geesh, haven't you figured it out yet" Dray asked? "She's dating a Slytherin, that's why she's so worried you won't approve."

"Well Draaaay," Mione drawled out slowly, savoring the moment. "Your half right. I AM dating a Slytherin. But it's not that I'm dating a Slytherin that makes me think you won't approve as several Gryffs are dating Slytherins."

"Well then why are you worried Mione? It's not like you're dating Snape." Ron said waving his hand as if to say don't worry about it.

Mione just looked at Ron with a how wrong you are look. Harry was the first to figure out why she was being so quite after Ron's statement.

"No way Mione, you can't be serious. Snape? You're dating Snape," he practically screamed.

"Well yes Harry, I am rather serious."

"OH NO! I was just kidding Mione. Please tell me it's not Snape. Be dating anyone else other than Snape," Ron declared, white-faced.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you it's not. Severus and I will be meeting for dinner in Hogsmead tomorrow evening. I hope you're not going to be childish about this. I mean, after all he did save our lives and all. Don't you think it's time to let go of the anger."

"No, nope, I like my anger right where it is thank you very much," Ron, stated firmly. "Oh no, this means I'm going to have to be nice to the greasy git, doesn't it?"

"Yes!" Mione and Draco shouted at the same time.

"What?" Draco said when everyone looked at him. "He is my godfather after all. I've always thought you should be nice to him."

"So, is he a good kisser?" Ginny broke in, garnering a chorus of groans and no's from everyone but Mione.

"Ok, I can accept this, I love you as if you were my sister Mione, but I refuse to listen to any of the intimate details," Harry said quickly. "Also, if he hurts you, I'll kill him."

"Me too," Ron nodded.

"And if you hurt him your in big trouble missy." Dray stated just as firmly.

"What? Hello, he's my godfather. Doesn't anyone get that? Family here," Dray said irritably. "I have to stick up for him; it's like a rule or something."

"I'll deal with you later," Harry told him. "Now tell us how this all came about... Oh and Mione, leave out the intimate details."

They spent the next couple of hours talking before heading to bed for the evening. Luckily, they didn't receive any more detentions.

Saturday dawned bright and cheery even though several Gryffindor's and one Slytherin were a little sleepy; they all were looking forward to the Hogsmead visit. They spent the day going in and out of the shops and just being teenagers. Mione looking at her watch every five minutes and counting down the time until she was to meet Severus for dinner.

Finally, the hour arrived and she tried to say goodbye to her friends to meet Sev. They were being stubborn though and had decided they were going to walk her to the Three Broomsticks so they could issue warnings to Severus like overprotective parents.

After about two minutes and several very dark scowls, they went to find their own table and left her and Severus alone.

"Good evening, Mione."

"Good evening, Sev."

"How was your day with you're... Friends?"

"It was good. They let Dray and I spend a whole hour in Flourish and Blotts looking at books." Mione said giggling.

They ordered dinner and enjoyed each other's conversation, ignoring the looks from the other customers. Many marveled at the smile on the surly professors face and someone even fell off their seat the first time they witnessed him laughing at something Mione had said. They ignored it all not even noticing anyone else in the room. They were in a world all their own. When the check came, Severus paid and got up and offered Mione his hand. They walked out of The Three Broomsticks hand in hand not once noticing the silent stares that followed them.

Please Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	24. Dude looks like a lady

Chapter Twenty-Four – Dude looks like a lady

**Detentions so far 26 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 34**

Mione and Severus made their way back up to the castle hand in hand lost in the moment. Neither one noticing the odd stares from the students still in the castle as Severus walked Mione to her room for the evening. The couple was completely lost in the feeling of just being together.

When they reached Miones door they stood looking into one another's eyes for a moment before Severus whispered "Goodnight Mione, I had a wonderful evening."

"As did I Severus," Mione breathed.

Severus wrapped one arm around her and slowly pulled her to him as his head descended and he took her lips in a gentle kiss that to them seemed to last forever and yet at the same time was over too soon.

"I would like to go out with you again Mione, if you would care to?"

"Oh Sev, I would love to, just tell me when and where," Mione said in excitement.

"Perhaps next weekend? I was thinking we could go into London for dinner?"

"That sounds great."

Severus swept her up in another kiss before bidding her goodnight once again and sweeping away towards the dungeons. Mione walked towards her room with her fingers to her lips in a daze of happiness. In the common room the boys tried to talk with Mione and laughed like loons when she replied to their questions with answers showing she wasn't paying the least bit of attention. Ginny just smiled knowingly as Hermione made her way up to bed.

Morning came as mornings do and Mione happily made her way through the day with a smile on her lips and thoughts of a certain snarky Potions Master on her mind. Being a weekend the Gryffs and Slytherins just hung out and tried to have a good time. Hogwarts was fast getting used to seeing not only the two biggest rivals of the school but also several other Slytherins and Gryffindors in each others company constantly. Though they still found it interesting enough to talk about quite frequently.

They had just finished a rather heated battle of an old childhood game of capture the flag in which the Gryffindors creamed the Slytherins and were walking through the halls chatting and flinging now faux insults back and forth when the aforementioned Snarky Potions Master came into view gliding down the corridor towards them. Mione noticed the crinkle at the corner of his eyes and the almost softening of his usual sneer as he noticed her. Feeling particularly happy especially after defeating the Slytherins she decided to be a little mischievous. No, of course it had nothing to do with her goal for the year. Absolutely not, it was just a bit of harmful er harmless fun.

As Professor Snape drew near to the group of mismatched mates Mione flashed a wicked grin and snapped a perfect army regulation salute and sang out.

"Gryffindors rule Slytherins droo- oh...sorry sir" she finished with a clearly faux apologetic smile.

Professor Snape turned to the group gave her a dirty look and replied.

"Twenty points and detention with Fil- oh…sorry miss Granger." Smirking as he turned on his heel and continued on the way he came.

"Way to go Granger, hope ya enjoy your detention with Fil, that's what you get for dissing Slytherins." Draco laughed.

Mione just continued smiling as she turned to the girls in the group and continued their conversation. Even knowing that she was dating the most feared potions master Hogwarts had ever had they still didn't realize she enjoyed her detentions. Boys!

$&&)W+

Despite the fact that Mione could not wait until her date with Severus on Saturday the week seemed to go by quite quickly. Professor Lupin decided to let the 7th years show off a little by setting up the last class of the week as a dueling class. When he asked another professor who excelled at dueling to participate he should have known better than to choose Professor Snape. After all he had heard about The Date. The whole school and all of Hogs Meade had heard about The Date. But Professor Lupin just wasn't thinking. Never ever raise the protective instincts of a lioness. Especially a Gryffindor lioness.

Lupin had secured permission from Headmaster Dumbledore just as Lockhart had in 2nd year to set up a dueling platform in the great hall and he led his 7th year students there quite excitedly. Unlike Lockhart though he did not tell the students they would have their potions master after he was done with him. Maybe he should have?

Things went well at first they did a simple demonstration and then let the students each take a turn. Choosing those evenly matched to compete against each other. No serious mishaps occurred surprisingly enough. Even Neville had no troubles and even won against the slytherin he had been matched with. No the double DADA class went very well and the students enjoyed themselves and the practice immensely. It wasn't until the end of the class when Professor Lupin decided to spend the last remaining time with another demonstration between himself and Professor Snape that things took a turn for the worse. It wasn't so much that the demonstration caused this turn, nor even that he was dueling the Snarky potions master that caused the uproar. Oh no, it was Professors choice of hex that caused the scene.

Things were going along well both Professor Snape and Professor Lupin throwing curses and hexes and throwing up blocking shields when it happened. Professor Lupin got off a hex just a bit faster than Professor Snape could throw up a shield and when he stood up from the impact there was a collective gasp and even a few instances of fainting before an enraged Hermione Granger stormed up on the platform wand drawn and in a quiet menacing voice that scared the assembled students just as much as Professor Snape had ever scared them declared.

"Professor Lupin, How could you! I challenge you to a duel at dawn Professor. I WILL have satisfaction. And if this isn't reversible and quickly reversible you will wish you had never heard the name Hermione Granger."

With that Mione walked over to the still confused Professor Snape who was now making the students gasp and some snicker while he was staring down at the new form that Professor Lupin had hexed him with. She gently took his arm to lead him to the hospital wing praying that Madame Pomfrey could fix this, and fix it before Saturday.

The hall was quite for quite awhile after Mione had led Severus out of the hall. Professor Lupin still seemed stunned, weather that was due to the hex he had thrown not expecting it to get past Professor Snapes shields or at Miones challenge no one could be sure.

The silence was broken by Ron's predictable snicker as he addressed the hall at large.

"Snapes gotta be the ugliest woman I've ever seen!"

Please Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	25. A Slytherinish Gryff

Chapter Twenty-Five – A Slytherinish Gryff?

**Detentions so far 27 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 36**

Mione came back to the Gryffindor tower later that evening and informed everyone that Professor Snape would be back to normal before class on Monday thanks to the very competent Madame Pomfrey. There was a collective sigh of relief for although it amused many to hear of Professor Snape being turned into a woman no one really wanted to see it. And there were a few that just wanted Mione to be happy again.

Mione had already been visited by Headmaster Dumbledore who informed her that despite the situation and her emotional state that she could not challenge any professor to a duel and that although he understood her worry for her professor and respected that he could not allow her to show disrespect to any professor and therefore she would be serving yet another detention. Which he told her with the twinkle in his eyes going at the speed of light that she would be serving that detention with Professor Snape was he was back to normal and resumed his duties.

She had to laugh on her way back to the tower as she pictured the headmaster AND his twinkle in charge of the TV gameshow The Dating Game. She also wondered just how much about her and Severus he knew about. She sobered up as she realized that although Severus would be back to normal by Monday he would be spending most of the weekend in the infirmary and therefore they would have to wait to go on their next date. Professor Lupin was not in for a good coming week. Not if Mione had anything to say about it anyway.

Oh she knew he hadn't expected to hit Severus and he was upset about all this as well, but that didn't make any difference to her. He may not have expected that hex to hit Severus but it had, and it had ruined their plans for the weekend. Therefore he must pay!

She was already coming up with a few plans for the softhearted and dare she say softheaded Professor she liked so well.

Monday morning dawned dark, cloudy, and rainy. For some this may have been and omen of things to come but Professor Lupin just smiled at his 7th year class sure that Mione had forgiven him his little accident by now. After all Severus was back to normal and out of the hospital wing and didn't seem any more irritated with him than normal. He believed that Mione the girl he cared for as part of his pack, extended family so to speak, was too soft hearted and good a Gryffindor to ever hold a grudge especially over an accident. That was his first mistake.

Class went normally for quite some time, everyone listening to his lecture as he walked around the room and answering the questions he threw out. Not clueing into the fact that Mione not raising her hand and answering any questions as an indication that all was not well was his second mistake. Somewhere near the middle of class Professor Lupins eyes fell on Mione and that is when she put her plan into action. While she had his eye on her she took a little red pill out of a bottle and popped it into her mouth. Professor Lupin catching this took a look at the bottle sitting on her desk. It was obviously a muggle prescription pill bottle and he hoped that she was alright and intended to ask her after class, when she grabbed the bottle and upended it into her mouth. He watched in shock as she swallowed the complete contents.

"Miss Granger" he gasped. "What have you done?" He asked, sadly walking over to her with every intention of getting her to the hospital wing as quickly as possible.

"What? I'm depressed, I missed my date this weekend and instead of a boyfriend I had a girlfriend thanks to you. You'd want to find some way to cope as well," she sneered, knowing he had the wrong impression.

"But to swallow a whole bottle of pills? It's not worth your life and he is back to normal now" he stammered fearfully grabbing the bottle to see what they were so that they could counter them.

"Geesh Professor, a sugar high isn't gonna kill me. I just need a pick me up."

"Sugar High? What are you talking about? This is obviously a muggle prescription pill bottle."

"Great, Thanks for telling everyone. Now I'll have to find another place to hide my Mike and Ikes so Harry and Draco don't snarf em all."

"Mike and Ikes?" Professor Lupin asked, his heartbeat finally starting to return to normal.

"Candy Professor." Mione sneered in an eerily perfect imitation of Professor Snape leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that the impression Lupin had was exactly what she had intended.

AN: A little cruel maybe but remembering being a teen and the crazy emotional state that teens especially angry teens can be in it seemed believable. Besides Mione couldn't be in love with Severus and not have a little bit of a cruel streak emerge sometimes.

"Miss GRANGER! At no time is it acceptable or amusing for you to swallow a whole prescription pill bottle full even if it is candy. You scared me nearly to death! Detention! For a week, and don't you ever repeat a stunt like this no matter how angry you are. Is that understood?"

"Of course Professor." She said with an apologetic innocent smile. "Besides now I have to find a new hiding place anyway." She whispered under her breath.

Class filed out later with everyone chatting and talking and swearing to themselves never to give Hermione Granger any cause to take revenge on them.

"That was truly Slytherin of you Mione." Came Drays drawl from beside her. "I'm rather proud. After that I do believe we MUST make you an honorary Slytherin, and avoid pissing you off," he finished with a snicker.

"Mione that wasn't very nice scaring Professor Lupin like that," Harry said.

"Now now Potter, it's time you learn sometimes you must be cruel to be kind. Professor Lupin will remember not to mess with my godfather again not to mention Mione here."

"But Dray how is that being cruel to be kind?"

"Well he won't get hexed into oblivion due to messing up again now will he?" Dray drawled causing the Slytherins and even a few Gryffindors to laugh and nod appreciatively. "Sometimes a lesson is hard learned. No Pain, No Gain."

Please Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	26. You have the right!

Chapter Twenty-Six – You have the right!

**Detentions so far 32 List of things Hermione can no longer do at Hogwarts 37**

Mione spent the next week in detentions with Professor Lupin and eventually her conscience got the better of her and she sincerely apologized for scaring him. He forgave her and admitted looking back it was rather amusing, cruel to him but amusing. He then went on to tell her some stories of times when he and the mauraders had also acted as cruelly in some of the pranks they had pulled. Though he did lecture her on not trying to give him a heart attack again.

By the time her detentions were done they were back to being friends as if nothing had ever happened though he did admit he would never mess with her "girlfriend" again, earning him a glare from Mione before she couldn't contain her laughter any longer.

As compensation for her cruel prank she promised not to involve him in any more of her pranks for the rest of the year. He considered it a fair exchange to get out of being pranked by the smart young witch.

Mione was sitting in the library planning her next prank when a 1st year Slytherin cautiously told her that Professor Snape had sent him to tell her she was to report to the potions classroom. Mione knowing they didn't have any plans and not having a weekend detention wondered what was going on and if he could possible have a clue what she was planning.

When she knocked on the classroom door he barked out "Enter" and she stepped in. When she saw him there with such a serious look on her face she couldn't stop from blurting out, "You can't prove a thing!"

"Oh I can't can I? Hmmm we'll definitely have to see about that. When your presence is requested Miss Granger the proper response is Miss Granger here as ordered Sir, not you can't prove a thing." He sneered, amusement in his eyes.

"That's exactly what I meant Sir," she said innocently, knowing there was no way he'd buy that.

"I do believe I will have to find out just what it is that I can't prove don't you, Hermione" he drawled silkily.

"Of course Professor," she said seductively.

"Hmmm maybe a little veritserum is in order," he grinned evilly.

"Absolutley not! I have rights you know."

"Oh really? And what would those be?"

"I have the right to be innocent until PROVEN guilty, I have the right not to have illigial administration of veritserum, I have the right to remain silent, and I have the right to a strip search." She grinned back just as evilly.

"Well in that case Miss Granger, we wouldn't want to be accused of not giving you your rights," he purred. "Why don't you step into my parlor."

"Said the spider to the fly."

"Why Miss Granger, are you afraid I'm going to eat you?" He smiled wickedly.

"Would you think me to bold If I said I feared you won't" she said shyly as she brushed past him into his chambers, leaving him with a shocked look on his face.

His innocent little Gryffindor as he'd come to think of her had a Slytherin side.

Once they got comfortable on his couch he asked her about her week so far and told her he was sorry they'd had to put off their date but to make up for it he hoped she would join him for a trip to London on Saturday and they could also go to a muggle movie of her choice.

"Don't be silly Severus, it wasn't your fault we couldn't go and you don't have to make up for anything. As long as we spend time together that's all that matters to me." She said with a smile.

"Well in that case I guess I never need to take you anywhere. What a lucky guy I am." He said snarkily.

"Severus Snape quite being a git, you know exactly what I meant."

He just smiled as he leaned in to kiss her indignation away. His little Gryffindor was so cute when she was riled.

He stopped thinking when she opened her mouth and her tongue touched his. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

She couldn't believe how good his arms felt around her and she just wanted to spend the rest of her life right were she was. A shock of desire ran through her body as he deepened the kiss and ran his fingers up her spine and caressed her neck. He broke the kiss and feathered soft kisses across her cheek to her earlobe softly running his tongue along the outer shell. He kissed down her neck driving her absolutely crazy. When he ran his tongue along the trail on her neck he had just kissed she couldn't stop herself from moaning.

"Oh yes Sev."

She could feel him smile into her neck at that just as chimes rang through the chamber. They broke apart just as Headmaster Dumbledore's Head appeared in the fire.

"Severus, So sorry to interrupt but there has been an incident with one of your Students Severus, if you could be so kind as to join us in my office." He twinkled at them.

"Hermione, I do believe you have classes tomorrow you should probably get some rest, wouldn't want you too tired to attend classes now would we."

"No headmaster, of course not. Goodnight Headmaster, Goodnight Severus, I'll show myself out."

"Goodnight Hermione, Severus I shall see you shortly." He said as he took his leave of the fire. His head popped back up and the twinkle could be seen blazing almost as bright as the flames.

"Oh and Miss Granger, when detained by Professor Snape, You do not have the Right to a strip search." He said laughing as he disappeared from the fire.

Severus and Mione just looked at each other and had to laugh knowing there was no other way to deal with the meddling headmaster. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before saying he would see her later and to have a good night. She walked to Gryffindor tower in a daze of happiness and frustration. She knew that no matter what the Headmaster had said there was no way she was getting any sleep tonight.

Please Review

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


	27. The End? Or just the Beginning?

Chapter Twenty-Seven – Just the Beginning!

It was finally graduation day for the 7th year Hogwarts students. Professor Dumbledore addressed the Great Hall filled with Parents and students alike. Mione could not believe this day was finally here. It had been an amazing year and she'd done just as well on her Newts as she always thought she would even with her laying off the studying so much. As was expected by everyone but her she was the schools valedictorian and she smiled to herself as she thought of the speech she was about to make. Nobody was going to be able to say she didn't go out with a bang. She had come into Hogwarts a lamb and she was leaving a proud lioness. She looked around at her fellow students and was glad for the new friendships she'd made this year and the new experiences and adventures she had had. She was going to miss it all. But that was life she thought as Professor Dumbledore called her name to give her speech.

"Good morning parents, students, and staff of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Romper Bomper Stomper Boo!" Mione turned to walk off the stage and was leveled a stern look from Professor McGonagle. She turned back to the audience with a smile.

"Seriously folks it has been a long and exciting 7 years here. I've learned, grown, lived, and loved within these halls. I was going to give the traditional graduation speech about how we've learned enough and now it was time to go out into the world and use what we've learned but I figured we all know that anyway don't we?"

She stopped for a moment to look out over the smiles and nodding heads.

"So rather than go on and on about what we're going to do I thought I would spend a little time warning the students still here. Most of you know of me and except for the 1st years this year know that up until this year I spent most of my time in the library. This year I decided to relax and enjoy the last year of my childhood. They say that these are the best years of your life and I didn't want to look back and remember nothing but studying, studying and more studying. In my quest for fun I decided I was going to end up in the unofficial Hogwarts students book that is passed down year after year. I can say I far surpassed my goal. I not only stole from the amazing Weasley Twins the school record for most detentions in a year but I created the most new school rules ever instituted in one year. So I thought I would take the time that most valedictorians drone on and on about that bright new world and how we're all adults now to go over these new rules for the students still here. We wouldn't want anyone else to get in trouble now would we?" Mione said with a mischievous smile.

"Without any further ado, here we are.

1\. Not allowed to chew on a sugar quill in potions, unless I brought enough for everybody.

I expected that. Good thing I brought enough for everyone.

2\. (Five minutes later) Not allowed to chew on a sugar quill in potions even if I did bring enough for everybody.

I didn't expect that. I guess no teacher ever thought someone would be so generous?

3\. Inflatable sheep do not need to be displayed during a bed check.

When do they need to be displayed then? And just what is so wrong with Seymore?" She huffed.

4\. "Must never call a professor a "Wanker".

Pretty self explanatory that one.

5\. Pokemon Trainer is NOT a legitimate career

But if I have my way it will be. I just may steal Hagrid away to start that goal." Mione smiled at Hagrid.

6\. "The proper response to an order is not "Why?"

Uh, Why not?

7\. Not allowed to quote Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.

Don't let this fool you. I can almost guarantee that they won't let you quote Southpark even when your not supposed to be working either.

8\. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

I'd suggest never ever forgetting this when speaking to Professor Lupin.

9\. Not allowed to operate a business out of the Slytherin Common Room.

But it was a really really Slytherin idea.

10\. Not even an especially slytherin business.

Rats foiled again.

11\. Vodka, green food coloring, and a "Cool Mint" Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

Trust me on this one. Not good.

12\. "I'm drunk" is a bad answer to any question posed by my Professor.

Is there ever a time when this is a good answer?

13\. Our nurse is called "Madame Pompfrey", not "Dr. Feelgood".

But, But, Butt, she gave me potions that made me feel good.

14\. The following words and phrases may not be used in any essay - Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this school and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, Tantric yoga, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

I really don't hate everyone in this school. I was just angry.

15\. Must not refer to any professor as "Mom".

Especially when they are standing on a pile of books 5 feet in the air. Smiling apologetically at Professor Flitwick.

16\. may not call any professors immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.

The truth shall not set you free in this instance. Just get's you more detentions.

17\. I cannot trade any Professor to the Death Eater's.

Or any other evil group.

18\. Not allowed to add pictures of professors I don't like to War Criminal posters

And whoever did was wrong, wrong I tell you, just wrong!" Mione looked around innocently.

19\. "Seamus is not after "Me frosted lucky charms".

So the professors say, yes he is says I.

20\. God may not contradict any professor's orders.

I have my reservations about that. Can we say religious discrimination? Hmmm?

21\. Not allowed to title any essay "Get Over it".

I know for someone smart enough there's a way around this.

22\. Not allowed to quote "Dr Seuss" in school ever.

And it's really hard not to quote anything but him all day long.

23\. Must not start any essay with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about..."

I'm not sure if this rule is really about the beginning of that essay or about how I went on to explain this very dirty dream I had in the essay.

24\. My proper name is "Hermione Granger or Miss Granger" not "She who must not be named".

So in other words kiddies, No nicknames allowed. Oh yeah and no mocking and imitating a dead dark lord to annoy your best friend.

25\. May not bring Peeves to any school function.

Poor Peeves. He's always so left out. He really was a good escort.

26\. Past lives have absolutely no effect on my homework.

But they sure had an effect on Professor Binns. Wonder who the new History of Magic teacher will be next year?

27\. My professor is not interested in why I "just happen" to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in my backpack.

It's a good thing then I didn't have anything hidden in those things I shouldn't have eh?

28\. Not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophesy" to the end of answers I give to a question a professor asks me unless it truly is part of a prophesy. And then it must not be part of a secret prophesy.

But it could have been in accordance with a prophesy. It's not like M.O.M. tells us the prophesies, in accordance with the prophesy." Mione shoots a unabashed grin at the teachers.

29\. "Do not dare 1st years to eat bugs. They will always do it.

Sad but true.

30\. A smiley face is not used to mark a poison.

But it was such a good poison, happy to do its duty.

31\. Not allowed to sell magic beans to any student.

And it was so lucrative.

32\. I am not allowed to sing "Henry the VIII I am" until verse 68 ever again.

The fact that I was able to get to verse 68 at all still astounds me. Professor Lupin has amazing patience.

33\. Not allowed to play "Pulp Fiction" with a suction-cup dart pistol and any Professor.

Especially Professor Snape!

34\. Crucifixes do not ward off professor Snape, and I should not test that.

If you remember nothing else, remember this. Trust me.

35\. Not allowed to greet any Professor with "Gryffindor's rule Slytherins Dro, er sorry"

Especially the head of Slytherin!

36\. May not challenge professors to "Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn".

Not even when they deserve it. pffft

37\. Putting red "Mike and Ike's" ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in class is not funny.

But it sure is a good revenge.

38\. The proper way to report to my Professor is "Hermione Granger, reporting as ordered, Sir" not "You can't prove a thing!"

Well he couldn't.

39\. When detained by Professor Snape, I do not have a right to a strip search.

Ha, that's what you think. I do! But nobody else does!

40\. Not allowed to my soul on school time.

But Gryffindor's may on their own time. Guess who that rule came from?

41\. Not allowed to form any militia.

It was just a small one. Besides what about Dumbledore's Army then huh? That was ok wasn't it? Pfffttt.

42\. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

Nor apparently take your place in class. Even if they are charmed to take notes for you.

43\. Our Potions Master is "Professor Snape" not "The Candy Man.

Hmm you know I think this is right. It's Professor Dumbledore that's the Candy Man. Specializing in Lemon Drops. Haha.

44\. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

But it does work once.

45\. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Hermione Granger.

Well that's no fun.

46\. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is not a spell.

Then why did my cup turn into a teddy bear ballerina when I said it? Hmmmm?

47\. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Life is going to be very dull indeed. At least they still allow me to think of it.

48\. When asked to give a few words at a ceremony "Romper Bomper Stomper Boo" is probably not appropriate.

I guess only the headmaster can get away with something like that.

49\. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on my wand.

What? It was a time saver in Potions.

50\. I cannot expell children for being annoying and rude.

Apparently I don't have the authority to expel anyone but even if I had no one can be expelled for being rude. That would explain why Dray lasted 7 years."

Mione shot an unrepentant grin to Dray.

51\. "Transfigurations is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

No probably about it. I can still taste that soap.

52\. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.

Neither was any other word until someone made it up.

53\. Shouting "burn, pillage, and plunder!" while wearing dark hooded robes walking to Hogsmeade is bad.

It's very bad. No playing Pirate or you just might be hanged.

54\. The revolution is not now.

Then when is it?

55\. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium does not need to be brought into the classroom.

It doesn't need to be but what if it wants to be brought in?

56\. When operating a school broom I may not attempt something "I saw in a cartoon".

For my own safety of course. I didn't break much. Sheesh.

57\. I am not the Empress of anything.

Hah! Just wait until I'm crowned.

58\. The proper response to a professor is not "That's what you think".

59\. Not allowed to lead a "Coup" during Potions.

When are we allowed to then? I told Professor Snape the revolution was now. He should have believed me.

Well that's it. All the new rules that were I inspired. Leaving Hogwarts I take pride in the many accomplishments I have achieved here. When I look back in my later years having the record for the most school rules created due to me during any school year will make me smile just as much as my perfect NEWT scores.

Here at Hogwarts I learned more than just Magic and book learning. I learned to live and enjoy life and relax a bit, about fun and friendships, about punishment (grin), but most of all I learned about Love. You better start running Severus, but I guarnetee you won't get far.

I raise my hat to Hogwarts! May it teach you as much as it has taught me."

Mione turned and stepped down from the podium to a deafening roar of the crowd. She looked out over her smiling friends and classmates as they started to receive their diplomas from the Headmaster. She laughed as they all threw their hats in the air and shot spells up into the air after everyone had received their scrolls pronouncing them official graduates of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And she melted as Severus wrapped his arms around her and kissed her in front of all. She realized that this wasn't the end, just a beginning.

**The End!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe and all its characters; I am just playing with them for a bit. There may be slash as I said so you have been warned. I got the basic Idea for this story from the list 213 things skippy is no longer allowed to do in the army. I stole some of those things on the list as I could just hear them being said in the HP universe. Oh yeah and I do not own DR Seuss stuff either. I am just borrowing it for fun.
> 
> Big Thanks to my Beta Gelsey. Who without things would be less error free!


End file.
